CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Global Warming Rocks!

Skate Karma settled in the Ohio Valley for an extended weekend. Most days were over sixty and the mornings were warm enough that Nick didn't even think about whining when we hit the local park! It was easy to be thankful. OMP made it in. I was grateful for that. Jon came in I was grateful for that. I got to skate with Travis 3 times and did some stuff with him & our kids outside the bowls. I was grateful for that. I got to skate with Kyle & Nick multiple sessions and I'm always grateful for that stuff. My 3 week long cold finally got the best of me and turned into a full-blown brochial infection, which made me very thankful for a) modern medicine and b) company paid drug coverage. I only missed a day of the beauftiful weather and I was very thankful for that.

Mostly I am thankful for the old man army Scab of the Month. When I first started skating I kept a "Bruisography." I never got close to this stuff. If the November picture that opens the sequence don't scare you off, click on "May 2006" and decide if you are the man you once thought you were.

Friday, November 24, 2006

More to be thankful for...

The easiest 5 hour drive I've ever had - Thanks Bro! (I got to borrow the Mustang Mach1.) Cruise control and a comfy racing seat made the drive smooth as silk. Not to mention knowing that if I WANTED to do well over 120mph, at any time, I could. (Well, not with the wife in the car, but it was mechanically possible.) It's a beast, and driving it chill, did seem a bit wrong. I chilled on the top speed, but tried to make up for it at take off, each and every time. :) But I was a good bro and never smoked his new tires, as tempting as it was. So anyway... the worst part of the northern commute, while still the worst part, was not nearly as mind numbing and irritating as it usually is.

If you are ever in Northwestern Indiana, visit WOODLAND SKATES in Portage. Owner Jason is super cool and opened up just for me, and then let me shop in the "warehouse" of old school decks-reserved for eBay, as the groms won't buy 'em - 'cause they don't understand. Damn that was cool. I tried to subdue my enthusiasm, but still, "kid in a candy store" doesn't even come close. Stacks and stacks of killer shapes and graphics, a few reissues, but NOS mostly. I couldn't decide, so I bought 2. A Cab "tank" (as in motorcycle gas tank) and Barbee "Tarot Card." I only regret not getting an LT photo in the stockroom. Jason made me a great deal and tossed in some old PlanB tapes. KICK ASS! Thanks Jason! Check out FreeWorldSkates on eBay if you're looking for some old school sticks.

Props also to WWW.OLDMANARMY.COM (Now a Link on the sidebar!) A great forum for chillin' out and hangin' with likeminded 30+ year old skaters. Dudes who understand what Gnar is, and how hard a 50-50 really is, even if it looks simple. Enlist today punk. You're already old, so you might as well.

I heard the Thanksgiving Invitational went well. Though EB apparently is still grounded. (Didn't show or call, so probably got his phone priveleges taken away too. Damn, dude, what did you do?) Anyway... lookin' forward to a Saturday AM session, even though it's gonna be c-c-c-cold. I'll try not to whine, but don't bet on it. Gimpy just called, he's making the trip down. Excellent Smithers.

Life really is good.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Reality Check

Also known as Thanksgiving. You're alive, be thankful. If you have family, even if ya don't get along, shuddup today and be thankful. Many people are alone. If you have friends, even if they skate better than you, bang your deck on the coping, and be thankful. If you have smooth fast concrete transitions in a 50 mile radius of your home, put your wheels down, carve it up, and be thankful. You never know when any one of these things will escape you. Enjoy them. So when your sitting down at dinner, and grace is being said, be sure to add thanks for killer 'crete - do this in your own head, as the pedestrians, even if they're family, won't understand.

Thanks God, gods, Karma, Buddah, Allah, (*insert your favorite Supreme Being here), OMP, Mofo, Skidzilla, Jon, Steve-O, Travio, friends, family, and most of all, thank you Alice. Life is good.

"Live while I'm alive and sleep when I'm dead."

Saturday, November 18, 2006

*Holy Day Session

Skidzilla can add Gnar to any session... just with his presence... but again I find myself wondering what meds he's taking to up the endocrine! Every carve had speed, pivots were dialed, (almost)every grind was on purpose, and every run a marathon. Followed by coughin' and hackin'. "I feel better, seriously." Whatever Skidz. Maybe "swelling of the orbs" and/or "seepage of gnar" is a side effect of the pills.

Mofo and Trav were there for a 1 week reunion of 2/3rds of the Roadtrip crew... Rippage was still in our heads, and transferred well to the urethane and our home 'crete. Mofo fought the bank for a tre flip - so close - only a warmer session away. It sucks skating in the cold, though it wasn't as cold as last weekend. But the long fs 5-0s in 6' were enough rippage for me, but of course he went on with blunt-pivot-rocknroll madness, with fs salad grinds. (Damn that trick encyclopedia!) Trav got dizzy workin' on 50-50 stalls and grinds (we gotta learn fs!) then went and worked the deep end, smooth. I stood around more than usual and just watched - but trying to barge it in my runs like Dave had been, I'm thinkin 'bout a 6' roll-in... His drop-in into the 12' bowl was buttery and perfect, twice. Dammit Dave. Just when I was feeling good about my own progress... distraction... But datz cool. I had a couple of good runs but I want more... Skate like Skidzilla, and it'll be my next session! Keep it up old man. (pun not initially intended) "Yea, dats whut she sed."

*Today is the anniversary of the day the world stopped and I jumped on. Happy Birthday to me! Just 4 years ago I was legal to be a Concretin... Even though it wasn't official, it wasn't long after that that I met some other officially old dudes - and together, we became 'Cretins. Thanks for the Birthday Session skaters! (and thanks for the box o' "vintage" skatemags Mofo. No porn. Whatta jip! But whose autograph is on the issue of "ThisOldHouse" magazine? I'm not kidding!)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Trick Encyclopedia

If you ever find yourself standing next to a concrete pool, muttering to yourself, "what the hell is a "chef salad big spin" and why do i suck at skateboarding?", now you have a wonderful reference to all those questions thanks to our good friend and looser cretin Mr. Brinley. He has found something rather cool, something I'm sure everyone will love. Enjoy the skaters enclyclopedia.


Sunday, November 12, 2006

And then there were 7...

... when there should be 8. We had a pledge orientation meeting. It was in Ohio. If you showed up, you were in. If you didn't, we're gonna need the shirt back. Eric, this means you punk! Welcome to the team Travis! Wish you could have made it Steve-O!
Load 'em up, move 'em out!

My personal favorite state park.

Just north of Felatio State Park, we shrugged off the 'crete denying rain and proceeded to destroy the Ollie's facility. 11 months since out last demo here, everyone padded up, and immediately ripped, no waiting thank you very much. The wood bowl seemed to have gotten smaller, as grinds and even roll ins seemed like old hat, to some of us more than others. But even though we all got served up a few times by the wooden tranny, we left that place with every ramp having much respect for the Concretins. (sans the street ramps, as not a single bit of our urethane EVER touched the street course-why would it?) The groms were confused, but were able to sound out the word "con - creet - in" and seemed genuinely interested when they asked, "What's that?" Though they never seemed to care about the answer. A bowl and micro session, followed by a wall ride then killer 6' mini session took every bit of our gnar, making a visit the hotel hot tub in Dayton quite necessary. A hotel room screening of Chlorine, followed by mini ramp 101 with Tony and Colin left us with visions of rippage dancing in our heads as we drifted to sleep.

Sunday morning started with a leisurely breakfast and team meeting at Bob Evans. It was here that it was decided that Eric had totally dissed the 'Cretins, and must pay for his impudence. Workin' my ass. I mean, it sucks that he got grounded and got his board taken away, but don't lie to us and say you have to work. Business settled, we headed to a grand creation of wonderous flat 'crete, the DC Shoes SkatePlaza. While bitterly cold, and without an ounce of transition to be found, we still had a good time at Dyrdek's community park. A local peace officer even rolled up to handle security at the Concretins demo, but then left fairly quickly when he realized that not even a 420 bust was gonna be possible.

So close Jon. That's why we call him Gimpy.

"When I was kid, all we had was flat 'crete!"

Holy St. Swinging Richard! No orbs were injured and Mofo was ok.

On to bigger and better things. And hopefully some sunshine. Nothing doin' on the sun. Just east of Blue Ball, Ohio, is the BakerBowl skatepark of Middletown. The park isn't perfect, but being 'Crete snobs, we have pretty high standards. But if you do the work to clean and dry out the bowl - way to go Jon! - wait it out and skate what ya can to stay warm, you will find the lines, and you WILL have a great time here. The "butterfly bowls" bogarted most of our time, and took every bit of gnar we could dish out, and still screamed DEATH BOWL at ya without missing a beat. I got my street on and surprised Kyle, and myself, with a few rail slides(on a really low rail) that I haven't done in years. This was definitely Jons park, as he was cruising every where, though Pauly was throwing slash grinds on every inch of coping in the Death Bowl. The session was winding down, but the other bowl was finally beginning to dry out. While Skidzilla was whining about pizza, I decided that I was not gonna go home and be pissed at myself for not at least attempting a roll-in in the mellow but big bowl. Hell, I knew if I attempted it (and didn't die), I was gonna make it. So without any more hype than "fuggit fuggit fuggit" and go... it was E A S Y! While cheers and a second wind of gnar(or pad reek-I'm not sure) wafted through the session, Skid was visibly irritated. As this meant not only did he HAVE to roll-in now, a satisfying pizza was now even further away from his lips. OMP also got beat down with peer pressure and proceeded to follow suit. Leading to several high speed quint roll in' runs. All inspired by Gimpy's rollin'-manual-roll-in-manual-roll-in line. Buckeye representin'!

WWJD? Hell, that's easy. Jon would just roll-in.

OMP Airlines

We Rule, You Don't

Trav seemed unfazed by the pressure, and never even looked at a roll-in, we'll have to do something about that. We'll threaten his family next time, or perhaps we could just teach him how to roll-in. That might be more productive. I guess he owes Eric a bit o' thanks, as he wasn't hazed since our rath was focused on Eric's vaginess. And poor Dave, never did get that satisfying pizza as the local joint we stopped at SUCKED. But we rolled on home, south past "Extreme Jesus" and on to the open arms of our ladies. Thanks for letting us go play. You rock.

I'm not really sure how we have so much fun on a roadtrip, without vitamin p or herbs, but we do. Concretins Rule!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Prepare yourselves...

Pack your pitchforks, torches, some beer, your skate gear and your Gnar! This weekend we’re headed to Buckeye Country to destroy some ‘crete! Come skate with us, or just come watch the masters (read: old guys) do their thing (read: ride useless wooden toys). This trip will include a late morning stop in Powell to kill ourselves in a pool with a loveseat and a deathbox, and perhaps onto the new grindline park near Columbus. Then on to Middletown near Dayton. Saturday night will include a Robert Pollard show in Dayton. The return trip on Sunday will stop at Beech Acres in Cinci, then an approximate 11am-1pm session at Ollie’s Skatepark in Florence. (If you need more details, contact a ‘Cretin.) Just hang out in the peanut gallery and ya might make it into the video in the background. But please, don’t ask for autographs ‘til the end of the session. (Unless of course you’re female, at least 24, and HOT. Talk to Nikoli. He actually washes his gear. read: He doesn’t reek. Though he does carry around an action figure.)

Crappy weather = marathon all day session at Ollie’s on Saturday, Pollard show in Dayton, and then another 2 hour Ollie’s session on Sunday.

Come bear witness to yet another historic Concretins Roadtrip. Be there or don’t. We don’t care. We got plenty of Gnar without ya!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

One killer weekend...

Because this is supposed to be a skateblog, I guess I should leave out my giddieness about an anti-gay evangelist getting exposed as a flaming 'mo, but I will point out his anti-gay-marriage stand is not really hypocritical. He doesn't wanna marry the guy - just scrog him. (Married homos?! That's just WRONG!) Whatta dumbass. AND I'll leave out my belief that if you really want change in the government, you should VOTE, and RE-ELECT NO ONE this week. But anyway...

Jon rolls in from northern 'crete country - just to prime himself for next weeks roadtrip to his neck of the woods. Dave joined us and we again worked the corner coping. We both got a couple super smooth grinds, along with a plethora of bails, of course. I had a pretty good session, and Jon was his rippin' self. But Dave, all the while coughing and hacking, was killin' it! If only he was 100% healthy... His hip hops were big and fast, he stifled the p-flares of frontside grinds, and carved the place like a juicy Thanksgiving turkey. It was quite impressive. I noticed later that it was a full moon, and I understood. Full moons generally equal killer sessions for the 'Cretins. I've been working on photos and video footage a bit... and Jon's footage from the DewTour is krazee! It was like I was there all over again - sittin' just a few feet from ALL of the pros... The challenge now is to edit the footage to a reasonable length, yet still convey the month long stoke that event provided for me... (hell, I'm still stoked)

Sunday actually was even warmer and no one even commented on us wearing shorts. Brett was already ripping this morning, and even bonked in switch... "kinda," he said. I'm sorry, you can't KINDA bonk in switch... he's insane. I was having a good standard run session. I attempted a few nollie disasters in the 6', and locked in, but couldn't swell the orbs to go back in... but the 1st half of the execution was smooth each time. I'll get those eventually. I can feel it. We didn't get THE question, but I did get asked, "Why do you have such an old 'fish' board?" Because I am old. Mark was there and showing us what it was like to go Mach3 (or "MachMark") and then started bustin' pivots in the 6'. Nice. The new local, Christian, also made an appearance. He obviously had inverts wired in his younger days, as on his 3rd try, he was very close to riding away. But again, Dave showed up and flicked a switch, and he was on. Not hackin' quite as much, but still not healthy, but if you just watched him skate, you'd never know. Fast carves, fs touch grinds, 50-50s, smooth hip hops, even a couple feebles in the 6'. Oh yea, and a straight up ollie launch over a cone. *re-read that last sentence* Yea, you read it right. (proof below) I don't know where he found it, but Skidzilla's got some brand new Gnar.

When I get sick, I wanna skate like Skidzilla...

Gettin' Some!


The Photograffiti section of the August 2006 issue of Thrasher had pics of not one but two rippers in Louisville.

The caption under the pic of our beloved park reads: "Some parks should be bulldozed. Others should be declared national landmarks." Considering Jake Phelps, Thrasher editor, got arrested here, do you think he meant we should be bulldozed or declared a national treasure?