CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Sunday, April 27, 2008

It`s Done

Well almost,  we put the finishing touches on it today.  Super smooth and fast with the ramp armor.  All 24 feet is now open!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fear the Crete - It is on an offensive.

Name the Cretin who hit the crete - literally - without his pads today.


Anyway, it must be going around. After I left the park today I stopped at Heine Brothers where I ran into Mike - a supercool cat that I ran into at the park twice in as many days. He was sporting a cast on his right arm. He said he broke a bone in his wrist right after we parted ways yesterday. He goes into surgery for it next week, so it ain't yer standard kind of break. Send the pictured swellbow sufferer, Mike, and all fallen skaters all the positive Gnar you muster tonite as you hit the pillow - maybe that will save you on your next trip to the park.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

2007 Golden Gnar Nominations

2007 Golden Gnar Awards – Call for Nominations

Aww-right Cretins - the time has come! Rack that underused, pea-sized brain of yours and try to remember the glory days of 2007. Toss out a nomination for the most deserving of the Golden Gnar award. Who impressed you most, with what trick, and where (preferably with video or pictorial documentation for the presentation)?

Last year's winner, Gimpy, will present this years lucky with a coveted Golden Gnar Sculpture by none other than yours truly; whose work has inspired comments from real artists such as “Man, I don’t know what to say about your piece [that you submitted to the Decked Out Art Show].” A new sculpture will be created (picture is last years award) and I assure you will love it, even if you can’t display it.
-This is why he won. That's vert baby. Bonkin' in.

Submissions will be accepted up to April 11, 2008. Submit your nomination in the comments section of this post.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


(Plan some time. This post is Nik-esque in length. All in fun - apologies to none.)

Sure the life a Jet-Set Exec like me sounds extravagant; whisking off to foreign parts, doing a little globe-trotting, and experiencing many different cultures across the ole blue marble. Harsh reality sets in when you stand in line, get herded around like cattle, and forced to breath recirculated air in the middle seat of tiny metal tube between two behemoths – neither one of which can fit in all three seats in your row, let alone the space allotted by a seat that was designed for the ‘95th Percentile Male’ in 1970 when the world was a thinner place. You have to make yourself ignorant to the fact the sweat on your body may not be entirely your own. You have to make yourself ignorant to the legions of individuals that have slept in your rented bed before you with their skin lesions and bodily excretions. You’ve heard the one about the Traveling Salesman? Well, it is no joke.

However, my trip to Seattle was different. Sure, it was the same metal tube chock full of germs, lard-asses, and screaming babies, but waiting at the end of the line was one Mr. Dan Hughes, Skater and Tour Guide Extraordinaire. Hughes busted out of work early and I picked him up for a 3 skatepark tour: Crossroads, Duval, and Arlington. I could have stayed all day at any one of ‘em, but my tour guide kept things moving nicely.


Crossroads is one big Combi with a clam-shell and a death box. Hughes rocked it like the home turf that it is for him. He pulled a fs grind at about Mach 3 at the top of the clam, not to mention countless airs. I got some respectable lines and some decent height in clam, but never got my carve over the death box. – aargh! No sweat. Why kill yourself first park when there are more left to skate?

The tour guide called it and we moved to spot #2: Duval. We went thru a snow/rain/hail storm and even stopped off a popular tourist attraction, Snoqualmie Falls, for a Concretins Shirt Photo Op. We hopped back in the car and raced thru the back roads trying to beat the rain to Duval.


Duval was very cool! It’s mostly street, but has a crazy kidney with stairs and exposed aggregate coping! We watched the rain move in shortly after we got there, but I did have time to get over the stairs and a grind on both ends of the pool. I made Dan snap my photo attempting a real, true-to-life Rock & Roll on a rock! I got real close to landing it, but that really wasn’t the point, I guess. Hughes killed, of course, grinding frontside double-truckers and J-slides like a fiend. Watching him fs over the stairs was inspirational. Although, I took a run at it, I have to admit it was half-hearted and lacked all necessary commitment on my part. The rain came and we rolled on.

Hughes Shoes
- LaceSavers: Such is the Uber-Hip fashion sense of old skaters, be it a Concretin or a Northwest Skater

Dan phoned friends and parks to see where the concrete was dry. With no obvious conclusion, Dan made "a good call" to head north to Arlington, knowing we can skate the full pipe if the park is wet. Evidence of rain abounded, but no active precipitation occurred while we skated.


I sacrificed a shirt to dry out the modicum amount of water in pipe and a few choice spots elsewhere to try and make a full run possible. The pipe was super tight. It taxed my abilities and my legs. The encapsulated end proved fun and frustrating. I sustained three injuries in one fall while tempting fate on a snake run in a much-too-wet park: spinal road rash (looks like rug burn – I gots some splainin to do, fo sho), a (near-)puncture wound in my back, and a jammed thumb. My board shot out from under me and I landed on my back with hand underneath me, thumb extended. Near sundown we busted out after our three park mini-tour. Heap big thanks were ladled on Mr. Hughes as I said good-bye!

Three big surprises came on Tuesday: my meeting adjourned very early, the sun came out, and Dan was available to skate yet again! Super-Bonus Skate Day! We met at Kent; a park with much more familiar terrain – ‘ceptin the weird, tight little pool by the bathroom. I got a few good runs in the deep end and the full pipe was super fun. I made peace with the pool, too. Not in the way that I actually did anything of mention in it, just in the fact that I know that I could if I had more time to spend in it. Hughes put the hurt on it with his massive grinds and endless (and seemingly effortless) runs.


Dan is The Man for taking me in and showing me not only the skateparks but parts of Seattle I would have never otherwise seen. As an accidental tourist, I am typically relegated to airports and highways, never exploring the more subtle nuisances of the locales I get to visit. Not to mention the support. He totally pushes you to do more than you might think you are capable and for that I give yet another, “Thanks, Dan!” It was my mantra for the week. I am truly grateful for his hospitality.

Northwest Cretin

I hope to see ya in AZ, Dan-o!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Skidzilla does Washington

While you were at work, home, shopping, lurking, or doing whatever boring thing you do when you're not skating (If you don't skate, I'm sorry. How sad for you.), our resident "golf shorts wearing skatin' frontside better than you punk," the one and only Skidzilla, was puckering up on another "business trip" in the northwest. Business trip my ass.

-Full Speed Pucker. Don't forget to breath!

(Thanks for the pic Dan. Always good chit. The man's got skills. For proof, visit