CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lazy 'Cretins

Ah-ight... I need a life, I know. But I can't believe you guys left the "Whoa OH! Sitting on a bear!" vid on point over a week... but whatev...

We all bailed on ramp work this weekend. I've got a gimp shoulder, which seems to be loosening up finally. I think we were all just burned out on working in the ridiculous heat that rolls through the Ohio Valley this time of year as well. But we'll get back on it next weekend Phil. We want it done as bad as you do. Here's a few pics from the previous work session. Doesn't look like much progress, but it's gettin' there. And better prep means a better ramp.
-Much work to be done...

I only hit the Sunday session, so because the other 'Cretins apparently have lives, the Wednesday and Saturday session highlights shall not be posted. I'm really not feeling the new board. Sorry Lance. It looks odd, and just too damn skinny. I'm having decent sessions, but my toes hangin' off the side make me feel a bit off kilter, reducing my stoke for progression... so new grip has been ordered and should be here this week, and the Ray Barbee shall be skated! Old School represent! HA! Because Old's Cool! Can't wait!

The Sunday crew included Travio, Skidz, KidSkid, Phil, Bill, Tony, Brett, me and grom Alex. Travio is stoked to have some new Rainskates Stingers. He and Tony both are drawing dizzy speedlines in the shallows. When they start putting that speed on the coping, it's gonna be schweet. Trav is already hittin' 50-50s pretty consistent now. Phil showed up just before I left and hit fast 50-50s in the 8' vert, first run. Skidz is really feeling the deep end and I suspect he'll be grinding it before year's end... He also put on a pivot clinic in the shallows. Including FS pivot to tail first try! Stoke! 'Twas a shorter session for me, and we all chatted more than we skated... so that's it for the highlights. But when you're old, just skating feels good.

Tony was bitchin' about not being able to become an "official" 'Cretin because the only roadtrip we have planned is Arizona in November... So I challenge the rest of you slags to look at your calendars and let's get the hell outta DaVille. Bowling Green? Detroit? Gimpy-Ville? (I know I'll be in the Detroit region October 13th for a wedding.) I'm definately going to BG next weekend (Saturday, Sept. 8). I don't know if Frankfort constitutes enough of a roadtrip for secret society induction, but, damn that was a fun session and I think that ramp needs more 'Cretin love.

Yo MOFO! How about a mini-ramp session this week? We can put a treadmill on the deck if you need to run, but still wanna be a part of the session. :) When are you running in Ohio again?

Oh, out of the blue: For those of us who THINK we can skate the Bloomington, Indiana "pool," I again present to you, 10 year old Micah Wu. This kid rips. Period. You should check out his blog. His skating is REALLY nuts on stuff that's a bit more suited for his size. When he grows up, his gnar shall far exceed my own... oh, nevermind, too late.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Beat ya to it!

A previously undiscovered lyric sheet and beta tape containing a concept video has been found in New Jersey... of a song you now know by a different name...

Actually, ALICE ran across it. But I had to post it here before you wankers found it...

Oh, and I found this pic of MoFo over on Andrew's site. Had you seen it? Pretty damn cool.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

'Cretins Score Deep

Ok, it's Wednesday... I'm late on the recap... you punks need to learn to type. Here's what I got from the brain cells I haven't killed, yet. The line up included Skidzilla, Me, Travis, OMP, along with Phil, Tony, and a couple of roadtrippers from Iowa. OMP and I hit a speedy doubles run with him carving under my 50-50 and me carvin' under his air to axle stall. While we migrated a couple of times, the session really heated up in the deep end. But because it's Wednesday, another session has already gone down this evening, and I wasn't there, and Gimpy's time on the library computer is limited, I'll shut up now and let the photos do the stokin'. If there's not a pic of you, you were sittin' down too much. (Note there are none of moi either.)

- OMP resetting his watch to half past 9.

- Phil pickin' his nose.

- Phil fully extending his rock fakie. That's really gnar on vert.

- Skidzilla gettin' up with his shadow.

- Non-local Rick bustin' big FS air, while the 'Cretins jaws drop.

- Skidzilla over some 10 year olds graffiti. (Taggers are idiots.)

As I said when Bob did a 50-50 into freefall, this session reminds me... Your sport sucks.

Monday, August 06, 2007

It's August. It's HOT. Who knew?

G-Bones day at the park:
There were 3 of us with G-Bones Saturday... odd wheels? No, but definitely old school, and not readily available at your local skateshop. I thought it was kinda cool to see a couple of teeners skatin' the same OLD wheels.

New board stoke? Well, not exactly. I had a good session on the new board, but I was perty nervous the whole time. It's gonna take a few more sessions before I decide that I'm stickin' with this skinny crap. The wheels were solid and held the 'crete well, though I couldn't go as fast as usual, just because I was a bit skeered. The wheels locked on the coping really well and I did get some great pivots, frontside slashers, and 50-50s. Gimpy took some GREAT shots. There were several pairs where I was in the EXACT same spot on the lip. How I did that, I don't know, and how Gimp took the pic at almost the EXACT same moment during the trick, I don't know either. But it's cool. The pics were taken to show off the new board. But hey, they actually show that I CAN skeet a lil' bit.
-Nik Pivot - Balance is in the tongue muscle.

-Frontside grindage - Note the GreenLantern shirt from NoShows kiddos. Punks. I blame Gimpy.

-My best BSair in a long while - OMP has left me behind.

Brett was there, and busted out the deck manual to pivot to fakie back in. SMOOOOTH. And like MoFo, he does it with a sheepish grin, almost apologetically ripping. NoShow was there hittin' speed runs and double truckers galore.
-Grinds sound better when they're fast, don't they NoShow?

-Chasin' his shadow to the lip and back.

And Gimpy solidified what Skidzilla reported below... the man ALWAYS rips. He was feeling like his marathon runs from the bowl, to the capsule, to the 6' flow, back to the bowl were a bit "boring." They were at Mach 1 with a perfect 50-50 on every available wall... I think he did 6 grinds, and none of them were short, and that includes a perfect corner shredder around the WHOLE corner. Damn glad I got that one on video. I got better vid of Jon than I did pics, sorry man. But it's on his cam, so it'll be awhile before you ever see it.
-Gimpin' a fast 50-50. That's one of SIX in the same line.

Bill showed and rode with us for a bit. I like his definition of my ONLY line... it's my "signature" line. Yea, that's it. Andrew was there and I finally saw him really pushing his limits. He was workin' on 360s out of the flow. He is maybe a session away from stickin' them repeatedly, still wish it was on 4 wheels though bro. :)
-2Fresh Andrew gettin' dizzy.

We were drippin' with sweat (actually, even before the first run) 'cause it was H O T ! But we finally gave up on the skatin' and headed to the Eastside construction zone. Where we continued to melt. I only lasted an hour and half, and the 3 of us only managed to get 1/3rd of 1 layer from the ramp. Not long after I left, the second shift showed up and finished up the first layer AND second layer, so now, we are in the reconstruction phase... and I'm really lame because I did not take any progress pics this time. Sorry.

Of course we chatted about "the slam heard 'round the world," and the bionic man that is Jake Brown. The medics should NOT have let him get up and walk off. But I love the X-games, I don't care if it's a media marketing whoring event. The skating is always crazy, and the other sports are fun to watch too. Though I'm not gonna drink Monster energy drink, no matter how many stickers are on your board/helmet/shirt. So please stop pointing at them, you look like an idiot when you do that. Don't forget that water bottle either! Jeez.

See ya scrubs next weekend! Is it November yet?

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Gimpy is a Big Number 2

Gimpy – That’s the short name. The whole thing is Gimpinainteasy. You’d think gimpin would be easy - lying on your ass watching the tube and getting some sympathetic mouth-to-pipe resuscitation, like Gimpy got during his convalescing, sounds as simple as the good-ole A-B-Cs. “Not so,” says our dear Buckeye.

You see, gnarly skaters get gnarly injuries and gnarly injuries need a long to time to heal. And make no mistake: Gimpy is a Gnarly Skater! So when Gimpy bludgeoned his heel bone into pieces at a skate session in NashVegas, he was down for weeks and weeks on end. Weeks he could have been skating. Same for the crack in the radial head of his elbow: no skating for weeks. Weeks when, in between the aforementioned felating, he wanted so badly to skate.

The Buddha taught us many centuries ago, ‘Desire is the cause of all suffering.’ Gimpy has taught us that gimpin’ means not skating and not skating is suffering. We all know suffering ain’t easy (or it would be called something else, like “fun,” “play,” or “hummer”). Ergo, per the Transitive Law (if a=b, and b=c, then a=c): Gimpinainteasy.

I actually can’t remember the day I met Gimpy. I know it was at the Louisville Extreme Park and I know he was rippin’. But, that pretty much describes everyday I’ve ever been at the park with Gimpy. And Rippin’ pretty much describes how he skates anything. Rip on the Vert Ramp? Check. Rip on Kyle’s MiniRamp? Yessir. Wooden Bowl at Ollie’s? Roger. Street? You bet. Bonking into some big ass concrete bowl with a foot of vert? HellmutherfuckinYES!

And, on top of all that, he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. May your gimpin’ days be over my friend!

The KEWS and The AYES - Know Your Concretin

The mandatory stuff

Full Name: Jon Burgess

Hails from: Motown aka Detroit Rock City

Years on the planet: 33

Years in The Ville: Been taking trips down to The Ville for about 4 years now, but reside in Dayton, OH at present. Have Also lived in MI, MA, NJ, and PA.

Years Skating:'87-'92, '03-present (and a few
times in between).

Some just for fun:
Wilma or Betty?
You know what I love about those cartoon babes? I get older, they stay the same age . . .yes they do . . .

Fave skate moment
Whenever a killer session is going down.

Biggest skate bummer
Driving over 5 hours to Nashville to meet up with the crew, skating with them for about 5 minutes before breaking myself off, then driving over 5 hours with my left foot to the ER in Dayton.

Whaddaya do for money, honey?
Bend over and take it.

Wastes of time other than skateboarding

Snowboarding, Surfing, Swim, Bike, Run, Waxing etc.

Worst skate injury
Fractured heel. 6 months no skate. (see biggest skate bummer).

The family affair
That's disgusting . . .

My Vagina Flares everytime I…
Almost have myself convinced I can bonk the deepend. (11 or 12 foot section of conrete vert walls near the full pipe at the Louisville Extreme Park)

Why I started skating
Cuz it's badass in a beautiful way.