CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Monday, March 26, 2007

Sunday. That's my Funday! - Bangles

Excellent weather, smooth 'crete, kickass friends, and a wee bit o' Gnar all add up to a fun session. Everyone had a good ride, even with apparent inner ear problems. As you can see in the photos, everyone is leaning one way or the other.

Lopsided Nikoli.

EB was there, but due to straining a chest muscle (cleaning out the back yard I guess), he wasn't skating. He played photog, and did a nice job too. Travio was cruising faster and starting to place 50-50s on various walls in his line. That's how it starts... then one day, you wanna grind every lip... it's very addicting. Go Travio! Yep, I'm an enabler and damn proud of it! He also worked above 9:00 in the pipe.
I'm Travio, I like to grind. Hi Travio.

Phil even rolled in! We hadn't seen him in weeks! He's still rippin' the grinds and rock-n-rolls, every where. He has a mini at home, so he rarely touches the small 'crete tranny. But when he does, he throws lipslides. Punk. He's also itchin' to rebuild the 7 footer at his place... I think an additional training facility for the Concretins is definitely a good idea! We all need to get together a couple of days and really knock that thing out.
Phil's gotta fat lip(slide).

Next up is Mofo. Bustin' the kickflip catch out of the bank, and throwin' sliders from the 6' to the 4' so smooth. Kickflip to axle stall is pretty gnarly, and it's one of the few that isn't on lock down. But it's still fun to watch. It's gotta be the Toy Machine socks man.
Padless madness. MoFo kickin' it.

I had some good speed today. It's just easier when you're not shivering. One smokin' 50-50 in the 6' where I kept all of my speed. Felt really good. Went for a few stale grabs at 9:00 in the pipe, but they're just not stylin' enough, YET!
Stinky stalefish, but I'm workin' on it.

Skidzilla worked the deep end 8' for some nice grinds and hip hops from the 8' to the shallows. How long has he been skating? 5 years? Sonuvabeech.
Skid ain't skeered o' no vert.

Wade also rolled up with the kiddos, so he wasn't ready to have a full on session. We'll need to start hitting Saturday mornings more often to ride with him. If the weather cooperates, and after Mofo and Skid grow out of their running phase, I'm sure there'll be more 'Cretins skating on Saturdays.

Skidzilla also worked on DVD duplication all week and delved out our personal copies. Very nice authoring work, even with the BonJovi digs in the titles. Found a glitch in the music that makes me even mute the tunes, but we'll get that taken care of. Next vid will be easier as we both have working computers now... and they're MACS! I will be investing in an external drive meself, because I know I'm gonna have yet another ton o' footage this year. Way too many roadtrip ideas, as well as theme skate days... ya can't have 10 guys skating in suits without documentation. You must share that ridiculousness with the world, right? Isn't that why YouTube was invented? (Famous last words: "Hey, watch this!")

Another big highlight for the day was once again skating with Ward from American Nomad. His layback grinds were stylin' and he'd roll-in the 6' without hesitation. And if sweepers weren't gnarly enough, how about a few finger flip sweeps. NICE!
Nomad Ward flippin' the sweeper.

He invited us up to Detroit for a session with American Nomad founder, Bill Danforth... are you kidding me? Careful what you throw out there, 'cause I'm in for sure. Time to bust out the old mags to find that perfect pic for an autograph me thinks. BD will be in town in just a few weeks... and though I've learned that I can't skate with the pros very well (See opening sequence of "UCantSkeetNone" on youtube), it doesn't mean I won't try again! And you know I'll be the geek with the camera gear poachin' as much hardcore 'crete footage as possible. If you're gonna skate with Ward and Danforth, you had better bring your Gnar. (Can you float me a spot o' Gnar? I'm a little short. Come on, I'll pay you back.)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Evening Session

Wednesday, March 21, 2007. 70 degrees and clear - perfect skate weather for the 2nd Day of Spring.

Skidzilla to all local Concretins: "Can you come out and play?"

Nikoli: "I gotta work in the basement. But Maybe. I dunno. Call me when you go."

Mofo: "I ain't driving in - I'm too tired."

Travio: "Maybe, if I can get permission." But, later revised to: "I'm gonna work on the house."

EB (not technically a Concretin, but had the best excuse): "I gotta clean out the back yard, but I might get to play in it when I'm done!"

Although I wanted to skate, Gibzilla brightened my day with a righteous game of Frisbee. And Lo! When I walked in the house a message awaited from Nikoli saying he was ready to skate - and bother - he wasn't kidding.

The park should have been more crowded given the perfect weather conditions with a forecast for storms, but the crowd was tolerable. Nick always gives me props for going at it hard from the get go, but DAMN! He showed up ready to rip. He was wowing all the little kids (and some grown ups, too - myself included) with perfect Rock and Rolls in the six, in the eight, in the four - multiple times in a single run. He was pushing it hard and high in the full pipe, but most impressively he wired in the axle stall in the eight by full pipe. He was stoked about it and I was stoked for him!

Myself? I was fighting for just about everything, but had a good time. I got some fs grinds in the four and went about as high as I've ever been in the full pipe (unwitnessed due to Nick's fascination with Tyrone's abilities - clearly understood, tho') other that that not much worth mentioning.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

2 session Report

Wednesday, Dave and I needed to skate. We didn't get to skate long as we got a late start. He had to take the grom to SkateNight (roller skating) with his gurl... They apparently took the "sittin' in a tree" rhyme literally at some point... let's just hope they aren't listening to PussyCatDolls or some other more illicit tunes! But still, gotta make a Poppa proud. :) We arrived at the MoFo compound and Trav had rolled in too. The Ramp Ranger was warmed up already, which doesn't take long on his home ramp. We got a decent lil' session rollin', and Travio was hittin' 50-50s everytime. But the mini-ramp gods had not been satisfied. We have all been ripping and they decided we must be reminded of our place in the skate world. Skidzilla was first on the altar. A sketchy rentry lead to a bleeding finger from a stray nail on the wall. No one thought much of it. But then Trav went for a full length 50-50, brought it in and lost it on the reentry. SLAM! On his ass and his forearm took a shot from the edge of the flat... The ramp gods were not only unhappy, they demanded BLOOD! I decided to take it easy after that. Though I did get a new slide variation worked out. Dave is only one, maybe two, sessions away from half cab rock fakies. And Trav is kickin' the frontsides, with a bit o' grind thrown in. Mofo was slidin' and smith grindin' all over the place. So hopefully, the gods have been satisfied with Skids and T's sacrificial bloodletting.

Sunday morning, standing Concretin session. I rolled up at 9:15, and had to ask EB of all people permission to skate, as it was apparently HIS park. Only he and his kiddos were usin' the 'crete. It was COLD! I really need to stick to the 40 degree rule. MoFo and OMP eventually appeared, but Skidzilla was absent, even though he said he'd be there. If he and MoFo hadn't run 6 miles with 3,000 others on Saturday morning I'd give him hell and say he's acting like EB. But I won't do that, even though Kyle had made it to skate. Kyle was on point, as usual. A warm up run with smiths and sliders galore. EB was really flyin' compared to the last time I saw him skate (how long ago was that anyway?). He was pumping every transition and not just floating around. I struggled with the new slider and fought for every 50-50. OMP was rippin' as usual too. Grindin' the bowl all over the place and bustin' a few really big bs airs. I was stoked to see Brett again. Hadn't seem him in months. Apparently he didn't know about the premiere party. Sorry Brett. But maybe we'll have a second screening once the full DVD is complete.

I must toss big thanks to Travio for adding to my shoe collection. I now have a pair of vintage Airwalk Disaster series! I think these will be my daily bike commutin' shoes, until I wear out the GreenLantern Adidas. Much 'preciated Trav!

One last thing... Happy Anniversary to! None of us even noticed it was one year ago (with Dave's b-day and premiere party) we started the bloggin'... What a crazy year. Has it really been that long?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Premier Party Report for the lame, travel challenged, and schedule conflicted.

Settle in, go get a drink and a sandwich. This is gonna take ya about 20 minutes or more. It took me alot longer to blog and get the pics ready. But it's worth it. Dial up users... go to bed, the page should be done loading when you wake up.

Things got off to a late start due to idiots in Louisville celebrating St. Patrick's Day a wee bit early(a WEEK!). But finally Gimpy rolled around the parade and we got the presentation rolling. We started with the Golden Gnar Award. Everyone exhibited much gnar last year; Mofo's anything, my barrier ollie's, Paul's airs, Skidz 11' stalls and drops, but "Bring out the Gimp" as it was his rolling into the 9' deep end (multiple times, padless even) that took home the award. Well deserved Gimpy. Gnar trophy by Skidzilla.

The "I Got Big Cajones" Award

The reason for the award.

On to the video! What a blast! It started with a great "magic" trick by Steve-O, as we had little footage of him due to his heart attack last year. "Where'd the Noogle Go!?" will always start a party off right. I leave it to Skidzilla to post that lil' nugget to the Concretins YouTube locker. We watched the first half stretched to the full 18' screen width, making us all look like we weighed about 240lbs at about 3 1/2 feet tall. Hilarious! I've included a few portions of the vid at the bottom of this blog entry. Again, for those of you with dial up, this sucks. But those of you with broadband, I think you will enjoy. I'll toss out my kudos to iMovie and YouTube, as they make everything sooo easy. As soon as Skidzilla is sportin' the new iMac, he'll finish up the audio fixes and DVD authoring and we'll distribute the few limited number of copies. You'll just have to wait, or perhaps you should have been at the premier!! Our apologies to the PinkDoor patrons who snuck in early behind a 'Cretin, but still got service, but got blown out by the vid. Bar doesn't open 'til 5 peep! Hope we didn't scare 'em away permanently. Sorry Brian. But thanks for a killer venue for the party!

Video over, fun over? Hay-ell NO! But I must do my civic duty to protect the public. When a Concretin asks you to join them for an "Irish Car Bomb," say NO! You've been warned. Since no one warned my dumb ass, I joined in the stupidity. While I did not pay for it with an upchuckin' like Gimpy, after the 2nd one I certainly suffered with the barrooms sudden lack of gravity and solidity. Even sitting in a quiet corner lounge, knowing full well the floor was solid and couch wasn't moving, I had to hold on to keep from floating away. Thanks for taking care of me Alice, though the last of the 4 bombs was your fault. And I'm a lightweight. My boob still hurts from the 12 year olds (Skidmore brothers, ages 40 and 44) doin' the ole Titty Twister, on the same nip... seriously, I'm punchin' next time! We were all surprised by the appearance of Brinley! (He wants to be a 'Cretin, but he has a problem with the regulations that ya MUST go on a roadtrip, AND skate with us.) We also learned that the punk got engaged 3 weeks ago!! Congrats EB! But you still suck for not telling us. Probably won't get invited to the wedding either. Such is the life of a 'Cretin.

MommaSkidz thinks LilTony is "just adorable."

EB's gettin' hitched!!

The first step to drunkeness.

Already there.

I'm touchin' yer brain!

I'm 40. And not wearing pants.

(Yes he is.)

Gnar and old man pics.

So, the next morning, full of bitterness, but seriously dehydrated, I drug my happy ass to the park at 8:15 BEFORE everyone else, just to prove I could. It was cold, I was alone and suffering a major headache, but I was there dammit. I shuffled up the half pipe and crashed out on the deck until EB rolled in about 20 minutes later. Everyone else slowly rolled in around 9:30 as it started to warm up. Gimpy was last of course and wasn't ready to skate at all. He was still feelin' the bombs, amongst many other beverages. He even hurled again while at the park. It might just be me, but that's damn funny. Get well soon Juanito! Old Mark rolled in as well, lookin' as svelt as ever! He has lost 60lbs! And 40 of that were since I saw him last, so I almost didn't recognize him! Good job dude! We were all movin' pretty slow. Except OldManPaul. We had an OK session, but Paul was on fire! (Might have something to do with the fact that I think I saw him drink ONE beer last night.) He hit a 50-50 in the 9' and then decided to progress even further this morning. Frontside high speed double truck edgers were on his mind, and are now in his bag. They were so fast and looked scary as hell to me, though anything FS freaks me out. He made an otherwise obligatory "we're hungover but it's nice weather and we must skate" session into yet another full on and true skate experience.

"Hip Hop The Gnar don't Stop" - OMP in total control.

Happy 40th Birthday Skidzilla. (I still owe you a kick to the gnar for the bruised boob.) Congrats to EB on his engagement, and congrats on another year of ripping fellow 'Cretins. Looking forward to more killer sessions and roadtrips!
Dew Tour 2006 - Pro Gnar - Pics by Nik, video by Gimpy.

UCantSkeetNone - More Pro Gnar. A crazy deep end session about an hour after the DewTour contest. Video by Gimpy and Nik.

SoloTour #1 - Nikoli and Lil'Tony go to Tucson and Ft. Wayne - Pics by Nik, video by Alice.

Saturday, March 10, 2007


My tit hurts... Bloody bastards... must... hurl... now... more later... after the Sunday morning session...

Happy birthday Skidzilla... this is all really YOUR fault...

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


"Sessions & Roadtrips 2006" Video Premiere Party!

Saturday, March 10, 2007 at 3:30 p.m.
The Pink Door -

Invitation Only! (If you read this, YOU'RE INVITED!)

Yea, it's short notice. Yea, it's probably a roadtrip for you. But they got tea & noodles. Oh yeah, and beer too! The food is good, the dudes are funny, and the skatin' ain't half bad neetha.

Come celebrate another year of skating, along with Skidzilla's 40th birthday bash! Don't miss the best part! Come help us kick 'im in the gnar 40 times! (and one to grow on)

Thursday, March 01, 2007

As Seen on the Road

Move to Portland-get your own lane!