CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I can't quit you.

Skateboarding. I had opportunities to quit. I had (have) reasons to quit. I have real responsibilities these days. I have a mortgage. I have a wife. I have a kid! But all of that just isn't enough to keep me away.

I have more and more venues every day to go play all around the world, but more importantly in my hometown, in my own neighborhood. I have old friends and new friends that just want to hang out and skate with me, and give me hell when I make the decision to NOT skate and instead focus some attention towards aforementioned responsibilities. I am blessed.

Nothing else makes me feel the way skating does. Skating, talking about it, reading about it, writing about it, and sitting on the couch watching it. If time is all you consider, I am a veteran. I've been doing it for most of my life. Longer than most people doing it have been alive. But I am insignificant to the industry, but not to my friends. I am a part of the core of skating. Not the "hardcore," I don't kid myself. I tend to wuss out, and I skate fully padded, even on ramps I should be 100% comfortable on. I'm not a gnarly man but I know what gnar is.

I've been enjoying weekly sessions on Radley's ramp. Gettin' my gnar on the best I can, but getting more stoked on everyone else's gnar. So I was already extra hyped on skating lately. But I was watching the X-Games MegaRamp competition tonight, and skating again inspired me. Not to skate, not to live better, not to give more of shit about anything. It was simply awe inspiring.

I know who Danny Way is. I knew who Danny Way was when he was shorter, skinnier, and riding for a company called Powell Peralta. I was watching when he helped make a company called H-Street a powerhouse in the industry. I think he was 13 or 14. And that was 20 years ago.

On a monstrosity that rises 60' off the floor of the Staples Center in LA, rolling down and launching over a 70' gap, and into a landing ramp that leads to a 30' quarter pipe, I watched footage of Danny getting worked in practice. Beat up and slammed into the ramp by gravity over and over. The MegaRamp. Birthed from his own mind. This thing has tried to destroy its creator time and time again over the years. I watched him clip the coping with both shins after under rotating a 20' McTwist, and getting flipped and body slammed 20' further onto his back, and slide to the flat in obvious pain. The man got up, limped off the ramp, refused the wheelchair ride to the medic room, is told not to skate any further, tells the doc he'll have to fight him to keep him from it, and declares "I'm skating EVERY run."

4 more runs, insane pain, and insane skating. And he has an X-Games medal. And that's just Danny.

If you didn't watch it and if you don't skate, I've just bored the shit out of you with this recount. And you don't get it. You're not inspired. You don't comprehend how difficult a 360 air to fakie really is, particularly 50' from the floor. You don't get why Bob Burnquist was in tears as Danny congratulated HIM for winning the GOLD medal, with Danny taking home the silver. You don't understand that emotion. That determination. Relying on no one but yourself. Feeding off the stoke of others, but your performance is up to you and you alone. If you skate, you know. But I'm sad for you if you didn't witness it. I'm sad that so many pedestrians saw it, but just can't possibly understand. I wish they could.

Skateboarding, I love you. And I'm not sorry. Hey pedestrians, your sport sucks. Don't believe me? Just hush and watch.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Sangria Session

Cullo Pollo made Sangria for our Wednesday session. Some of us needed it more than others. I did not drink, and skated no better than last week. But at least my head didn't hurt when I got home. I did have a small cup before I left, it was good stuff. Thanks Chicken!

The session was insane. A large crew, and some young guns who were absolutely killing it! Some "inward hardflip alley oop lookin' thing" made me sorry I didn't bring the video cam. Smithers was skatin' fast and loose, and landing everything, though the blunt fakie beat the hell out of him first. And after a few tries, Edward landed the frontside grind OFF the extension and back into the ramp... and then a few runs later, the ramp gods said no more, and smited him on his elbow. It was either fractured or popped out of socket... Hang tough Edward. Get well soon. (coverage note: Ed has an interview over at So with Smithers leg bleeding, and Edward on the way to the hospital, the session slowed. No one wanted to follow that slam... but Dan risked the first run, and Skidzilla and I followed, to keep the session going. The ramp gods' bloodlust seemed satisfied, but yet they still denied me rock sliders, again. Maybe it's just my lack of talent. Nah, couldn't be. Until next session... go get your skate on.
-Excellent Smithers. Feeble fakie.

-Veni, Vedi, Bleedy.

-Chicken Butt, Backside Disaster

-FRO, Radley. This is a boneless... yea, seriously. He can skeet a bit.

-FRO, Hurricane grind.

-Grindin' 5-0 by the Skidzilla.

-Philster, nosin' the coping.

-Nick (not Nik) with a big ole ollie.

-Junior has been on a mission to defeat fs gayness. Mission accomplished.

-From the extension, over the gap, and back in. This wasn't the one to elbow. Get well soon Man!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A Day Late

It was Jon's Birthday yesterday. Happy Birthday, Jon! I found this hilarious pic of him ogling Kyle's Stack-O-Donuts Cake we gave him a couple of years ago. Hee hee!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Monday Mayhem

I watch this and find comfort in the fact while there are errant nuclear warheads floating around the world unaccounted since the fall of the Soviet Empire, and that on a daily basis we are literally "driving" our planet to an infernal extinction, and eating ourselves into an all plus-size people, there are still individuals who spend hours pouring over Sesame Street Videos and turning Bert and Ernie into Ganstas.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

New Ramp Gnar!

I think perhaps a new day has dawned. A time that allows me two sessions a week with less guilt, and less money spent. While I certainly mean no offense to Mofo and the awesome ramp that is the TajMaWall, there is a new miniramp in my neighborhood. So close, that I can ride a bike (or even a skateboard) and be there in 5-10 minutes. As opposed to the 40 minutes in a car out to the boonies of Indiana... Imagine, I can take 90 minutes out of my day, and skate 70 of them (saving 20 minutes for roundtrip travel and pad up/down). And 'tis a ramp much friendlier to my personal endocrine orb size than the 7' beauty on the east side. 4' tall plus two 5' extensions with 7.5" transitions, and 24' wide. The very dimensions I aspire to construct in my own backyard someday...

So anyway, the Cretins got the invite for a midweek session and we are most grateful! No cover charge was set, but it's rude to visit a new ramp for the first time without beer, particularly when you had absolutely nothing to do with it's construction. In fact, the ramp was but a rumor to me, an urban myth. But, I was still rude, because of the 6 beers I supplied, I drank 5 of them. And being 154 pounds soaking wet, that was about 3.5 beers too many. My skating got funnier, but not any better. But we all had a blast. Roll call included Radly(the F.R.O. or ramp owner), Skidzilla, Pollo, Jr., Scott, Dane, And late comers John, Edward and Joe. A couple new faces to me, but cool cats indeed. Ms. FRO even fed us! Veggie Lasagna and chicken... and I don't care if it was from a box, that lasagna was kickass! Quite surprising with my well known distain for veggies. Thank you Lynn!

Here's a few pics. These are the only ones worth posting, out of about 40 on my cam. As I said, I was quite inebriated (no beer next week I swear)... AND Skidzilla was in control of the camera sometimes too... so let's just blame him.
- F'n Ramp Owner and our host, Radly

- Scott and his "new" old G&S trucks

- Dane can skeet.

- Radly skeets fast.

- Chicken ain't skeered.

So where will you be next Wednesday evening? Don't call me. I've got plans.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

More from Our Friends at Troma

Because Poultrygeist as too "high-brow"

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The most interesting man in the world...

... on rollerblading...

Because we needed a post this week. And it's funny.
(Poached from an OMA forum.)

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Is Bigger Better?

That's what people with little decks ask. Here's a few big ones and how to use 'em. I had to get out the W-I-D-E Angle for these monsters.

Non-skate activity also took place. You can see that comic on Post-Atomic Tales of Skidzilla.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Go Skateboarding Day, or OMA BBQ of DaVille

FINALLY... Again I say, "Bite me." Nothing here written with the skills of our favorite wordsmith, Skidzilla. Not even a full on recap... but you get the jist... we had fun. And there are lots o' pics and even a video...

Friday, June 20, Ramp Session: The weather was a bit dodgy all day. Downpours of rain, then nothing. Then another downpour. It sucked. But about 5:00, Phil determines that he CAN get the ramp dry, and if it doesn't rain, it'll stay that way... Session is ON! OMP rolled in from Lex and finished up the drying process. Frogwing rolls in from IOWA (!) and eventually Ward and I show up along with Jr. So, with Frog here, it was an official OMA event, even though when this idea was originally hatched, we(I) had hoped for about 10 to 20 out of towners... Oh well. Cretins were skating and that equals a good time... We revealed the new Cretin banner which is simply BAD ASS! Thanks Ward for the hookup! What a fun session. The sun wasn't blinding because of the cloud cover, and it wasn't roasting, but it was steamy and humid. So much so, that the session eventually closed down because the sweat smears from bails ceased to dry up, making the ramp more and more treacherous after each run. Grinds, rock-n-rolls, bs airs, laybacks, sweepers, slider fakies, 360 cess slides, and funky acid drops were all thrown. Oh and a Miller Flip for good measure.
- OldManPaul doin' his thang.

- Ward stretches out to relax.

- Frogwing's "pop out running and jump back in" gnarly trick...

- FW rockin' and rollin'.

- Junior has a grind.

- My only trick. The rock-n-roll. But they are on lock.

- OMP's backside.

- OMP's frontside.

- and backside again.

- I can't even stand like this. Crail sweeper by Phil.

- Ward rockin' frontside.

- Ward has sweepers on lock.

- Chris Miller would be proud.

Saturday, Go Skateboarding Day: The park downtown was jumpin'. Crazy groms everywhere, but yet all seemed surprisingly well versed in park etiquette. We got "the" question, but that's easy when you have a banner and 5 guys in the same logo t-shirt. Adam (a local OMA member) made it to the park for Saturday, as did long lost Cretin Steve-O, and he was our grill master. Gimpy trekked down from Dayton braving ridiculous traffic. NoShow was a noshow, but he got a free pass this time, for being in the hospital for 6 days with a bleeding ulcer. Crazy shit. (literally) We skated. Drank a beer, and skated some more. Sat down, had a cig, and then skated some more. And when we were done, we skated again.
- We went to visit NoShow on Thursday.

- Junior chillin' with the 'Zillas.

- Huh? I don't know. Good question. (Perhaps he has fleas.)

- Why aren't you skating?

- Grill Master Steve-O fed Adam, and the lot of us.

- OMP doesn't give a chit about gravity.

- And just to piss you off. My video. My choice of tunes. Suck it.

So, not exactly a successful OMA sanctioned event, but a 100% kickass Concretin event. Where were you? If you weren't skating... you were doin' it wrong.