CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Gimpy is a Big Number 2

Gimpy – That’s the short name. The whole thing is Gimpinainteasy. You’d think gimpin would be easy - lying on your ass watching the tube and getting some sympathetic mouth-to-pipe resuscitation, like Gimpy got during his convalescing, sounds as simple as the good-ole A-B-Cs. “Not so,” says our dear Buckeye.

You see, gnarly skaters get gnarly injuries and gnarly injuries need a long to time to heal. And make no mistake: Gimpy is a Gnarly Skater! So when Gimpy bludgeoned his heel bone into pieces at a skate session in NashVegas, he was down for weeks and weeks on end. Weeks he could have been skating. Same for the crack in the radial head of his elbow: no skating for weeks. Weeks when, in between the aforementioned felating, he wanted so badly to skate.

The Buddha taught us many centuries ago, ‘Desire is the cause of all suffering.’ Gimpy has taught us that gimpin’ means not skating and not skating is suffering. We all know suffering ain’t easy (or it would be called something else, like “fun,” “play,” or “hummer”). Ergo, per the Transitive Law (if a=b, and b=c, then a=c): Gimpinainteasy.

I actually can’t remember the day I met Gimpy. I know it was at the Louisville Extreme Park and I know he was rippin’. But, that pretty much describes everyday I’ve ever been at the park with Gimpy. And Rippin’ pretty much describes how he skates anything. Rip on the Vert Ramp? Check. Rip on Kyle’s MiniRamp? Yessir. Wooden Bowl at Ollie’s? Roger. Street? You bet. Bonking into some big ass concrete bowl with a foot of vert? HellmutherfuckinYES!

And, on top of all that, he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. May your gimpin’ days be over my friend!

The KEWS and The AYES - Know Your Concretin

The mandatory stuff

Full Name: Jon Burgess

Hails from: Motown aka Detroit Rock City

Years on the planet: 33

Years in The Ville: Been taking trips down to The Ville for about 4 years now, but reside in Dayton, OH at present. Have Also lived in MI, MA, NJ, and PA.

Years Skating:'87-'92, '03-present (and a few
times in between).

Some just for fun:
Wilma or Betty?
You know what I love about those cartoon babes? I get older, they stay the same age . . .yes they do . . .

Fave skate moment
Whenever a killer session is going down.

Biggest skate bummer
Driving over 5 hours to Nashville to meet up with the crew, skating with them for about 5 minutes before breaking myself off, then driving over 5 hours with my left foot to the ER in Dayton.

Whaddaya do for money, honey?
Bend over and take it.

Wastes of time other than skateboarding

Snowboarding, Surfing, Swim, Bike, Run, Waxing etc.

Worst skate injury
Fractured heel. 6 months no skate. (see biggest skate bummer).

The family affair
That's disgusting . . .

My Vagina Flares everytime I…
Almost have myself convinced I can bonk the deepend. (11 or 12 foot section of conrete vert walls near the full pipe at the Louisville Extreme Park)

Why I started skating
Cuz it's badass in a beautiful way.


  • At 8:30 AM, Blogger Nikoli said…

    Skidzilla sir, YOU are a literary meistro. And it's so cool that our "local" crew includes those that must make a roadtrip for every session. We love you Gimpy!

    I've only "suffered" through one incisor incorporating hummer... and it was still fantastic. :)

  • At 3:22 PM, Blogger NoShow said…

    Bravo, Skidz! I already knew that Gimpy was a ripper but I never knew where his name came from. And I didn't know you also took to the snow. We'll have to hit a slope together sometime.

    You're so wrong, Nikoli :o

  • At 7:49 PM, Blogger OMP said…

    Another great post Skidster!

    Ah, Gimpy....
    You always push me! My skating has improved thanks to you challenging yourself.

    It's a pleasure to roll with you my friend.

    Skate on!


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