CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Late Columbus Report

Well, looks like work will require a few trips a year to Columbus. Fortunately, there is a skatepark very close. It will take a bit o' time to wire, but it will be fun trying to get there.

When I rolled up I was greeted heartily by some cat giving lessons to tweeners and their Moms. Cool gig if you can get it. 2 of the tweeners and two of the adult skaters recognized the Concretin Logo right off. "Dude, we've seen you guys at Ollie's!" That was cool. We're getting REGIONAL cred!

So, Justin and Nikki were taking pics for their site. You can see better pics of this park at SkatePharm. But, a trip for The Cretins here is a must. Everyone is hospitable and the crete is smooth. Plus, there is some new fucked up terrain we gotta add to our repertoire!

Fucked Up Terrain We Gotta Add to Our Repertoire

Thursday, May 24, 2007

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Frontside Gayness
I have it. It's not my fault. It's genetic in my family. But luckily for the ladies, all I got was gaydar and the frontside affliction. (The bro got the attraction to dudes.) As if the action figure thing and an affinity for crafts weren't enough to require repeated defense of my man card.

Anyway... at least I'm not alone in my affliction. Travio joined me in the battle to cure frontside gayness at the Concretin research facility (MoFo's). A short session, by normal mini ramp standards, it took us every bit of 90 minutes, but we did lessen the inflamation. While normally I get dizzy from constant counterclockwise spins (backside), I certainly got unwound, but no less dizzy. Travis fought for the grind but never really struggled with the fs turn(he's quite manly). But I don't care, fs edgers (where one wheel is not touchin' the ramp, but the truck ain't makin' that cool sound) are still pretty burly. I did get a few "grinds" but I think the more accurate term would be "scratchers."

I've watched OMP take the same "scratch" and turn it into a "slash" just adding style. Doing it on 'crete in the 8' bowl, or even the 11' certainly fuels my hate for him. I understand now HOW he does them, but I still don't get how he can look at the coping when he does it!? Every attempt at even glancing at the grind in progress resulted in a crash in progress. I guess future pics of me doin' a fs grind (it'll look like a grind in a still pic, and I'll tell everyone it was anyway) will just make it seem like I don't care enough about it to even look. Speaking of aloof skating... MoFo was there too.

He was visibly tired. And even warned us that the session would get shut down before bedtime. So maybe it wouldn't be quite so jaw dropping to watch... Yeah right! Let's see, switch rock-n-roll, switch grinds, kickflip rock fakie (first try), 5-0 grinds galore (as usual), and various pivot variations including nollie pivot, pivot fakie, and pivot rocks. Though we did witness a bit of a struggle. 8 tries to make the no comply tailslide.

So if you want to help us cure frontside gayness, or just see some serious rippage, the next time you get invited to MoFo's... don't be a NoShow. (That's right, I'm officially announcing the 'Cretin name for the one formerly know as EB.) Welcome to the team NoShow!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Who's down with OMP?!

The Karma gods have shined once again upon the Concretins. Not only was the weather perfect, and not only did EB actually show up, EVERYONE made the trip! EB, Wade, Travio, Steve-O, Gimpy, Me, Skidzilla, MoFo, and our host OMP! And then there were 9! And if you put us all together, we can seriously RIP! (And Skidz really ripped a few. Sorry Sharon, the van was not fart free by any stretch of the imagination. I really wish the back windows rolled down.)

Stop one: Frankfort. I tossed Steve-O into the grass at speed, first thing, just to see if he was ready for a full day of Gnar. Tuck and roll old man. No sweat, nice recovery. If you think pink helmet wearin' bikers are wussies, you've never met Zach. He could take your head off (from above) with his rear wheel, if he wasn't so cool and laid back. Here's hoping he makes it into the Dew Tour! Good Luck Z! 360 tailwhips oughta help fo' sho'.

We proceeded to destroy that 6' mini. Everyone needs to post their own favorite shtuff from the trip in the comments or edits, 'cause I catch hell for typing too much, but I'm still gonna do it anyway. I'll eventually post up some vid highlights, as I took no stills at all. I hit my grinds and a few good nollieDs and sliders, but was the last one to get the roll-in over the deck. That ramp was PERFECT for the 'Cretins. MoFo was flyin' UP to the extension, and Skidzilla got the fs pivot to tail. We thought we'd only be here about an hour. Two and half hours later we headed to Lexington.

Stop two: Woodland park, Lexington. Micah Wu can't be a Concretin. It's not his lack of skate skills, because he rips better than 88% of us (all but MoFo). It's because his Mom probably won't let him take a roadtrip with us, and he's only 9! This kid can skeet. ( But he left before we got out the cam. Sorry Micah, but it was still fun skating with you! A tiny park, but with enough elements that we had fun, 'cept for the crash up derby factor. You'd think we wouldn't run into each other, but Old Man Paul didn't have on his glasses. MoFo was hittin' fs/bs ollies over the lil' hip while dodgin' groms, even a kickflip I heard. We had to hold OMPs hand to get him to roll in the concrete mini, but he eventually followed Skidz and I in. Whatta wuss.

Lunch at Puccinni's... mmmmm... good food. Ok beer. Then a stop at the house that OMP built (is building). Now we have a place to bury our enemies. 9 acres of seclusion, and plenty of room for several "concrete ponds." We'll make 'em look perdy Dana, we promise.

Stop three: Georgetown. I thought after rippin' the rather large mini in Frankfort, I was ready to crank on the spine in G-town. I was wrong. While only maybe 6" taller, my mangina just wasn't ready. Crossin' over was ok, but everything else was a struggle (for me). MoFo was out of control with tail transfers and his normal mini ramp gnar. Skidzilla stepped up with the fs to bs stall transfer. OMP and I both finally made the qtr to qtr grind over the bank. But as we packed up to hit the road, Gimpy took the spine transfer to the next level with a bs grind to fs in! Sooo smooth.

Stop four: Dry Ridge. The most funky lookin' park, and even on the most emo nights at the Louisville park, Dry Ridge is sketchier. Not the real skaters mind you. Just the riff raff wannabes and pedestrians. I would never go there alone.
The real skaters were cool and displayed some serious gnar. The peanut bowl 'footprint' wasn't very big at all, but it was DEEP, and tight. (Shuddup Dave.) Even with zero flatbottom, Skidzilla wasted no time with a high speed bs grind over the love seat, third try. GNAR. He, OMP, and Gimpy all eventually found the line to grind over the deathbox as well. The real surprise here was skate "noob" EB. He took the longest runs at mach2, lookin' a bit sketchy around the 3rd wall, but stayin' on and haulin' ass for another 5 trips around the pool. How in the world do you learn that in a year of skating? I guess having a perfect park, and kickass skater dudes to hang out with really does help, huh, EB?

We said goodbye to OMP and headed home to DaVille. Sunday morning arrived VERY early, yet I drug my tired old bones outta bed and hit the park to meet EB early and wait for the stragglers, Gimpy, Skidz and MoFo. However, just when you think EB is One of Us... he BAILS! And it's not that he bails, it's that he says he'll be there, and then doesn't show, AND doesn't call. L A M E ! We proceeded to have a decent session, though it was clear we were all tired and worn. EB earned his Concretin shirt on Saturday, no doubt. But he's also earned the tag of most punctually challenged 'Cretin. Sorry EB, that's just the way the urethane cures.

You down with OMP? Yea, you know me.
Life is short. Skate hard.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

R O A D T R I P ! OMP style!

Hittin' the road to ride with our resident redneck, OMP!

Saturday- Depart from Casa de 'Zilla at 0800.
We should be rippin' the Franfort 6' mini around 0900.
Then on to Lexington to shred the 'lil 'crete mini with Lil' Ripper Micah Wu
We'll grab lunch in horse country.
Georgetown and the longest sesh of the day is up next. 6' mini w/ spine and tons o' quarters. This is OMPs "home park" now. So we'll expect to see serious rippage from the old bugger.
Finally, we'll finish up with a peanut bowl roastin' in DryRidge. Heard it's TINY. (shuddup Dave)

If you ain't there in the flesh, be there in spirit and skate all day.
But if you ARE there, you'll get to be in the video!

Pack your gear, and get your gnar on Cretins. It is time.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Crossing the line...

If you had a pro skaters phone number, would you call it? LIAR! Yes you would and you know it! So don't give me hell.

I had Tony Magnusson's cell number from the first DewTour. I met him at the event and gave him directions, and my number so we could skate the park together. But he called (yes, he called ME) in the morning and said they partied a lil' too hard and besides, it had been raining. So yes, I kept the number. SOME day I might go out to Cali and want to skate with some pros.

So last night I'm watching the live webcast of the ProTec Pool Party, which was absolutely INSANE! I was watching with several of the OldManArmy crew and we were all chatting online as we watched. One of those weird techno social events that probably seems much weirder to me, considering I'm over the age of 12.

Chris Miller destroyed the Van's Combi Pool as expected in the Master's division. Why exactly he's not skating with the pros like Omar, I'm not really sure. Do you know what a McEgg is? (No, it's not a breakfast sandwich. Well, it might be, but that's not what I'm talking about.) Or how about a Kickflip Madonna? Bluntslide through the corner? Swtich Roll-in? Kickflip Gaytwist? 5-0 through the corner, to fakie? Look 'em up.

But anyway, at one point, the web announcer talks to Tony Mag about the crazy skating goin' down. The wheels start turnin' in my head, and yes, I crossed that line. I knew he was at the contest, and I called him. And I'd do it again too! I couldn't believe he actually ANSWERED! I did apologize for calling, as he didn't know me from Adam, but we talked briefly about the contest, and he was totally cool. He was stoked that we were all watchin' online, "Right Now!? That's Killer!" So I asked that he give a shout out to the OMA crew if he happened to talk to the guy again. "I'll go find him right now man!"

So I told the guys I called him, but didn't mention the shout out. Because I wasn't really sure it would happen. (They probably thought I was full of shit anyway.) But not 2 minutes later, (in the middle of Bucky Lasek's run) Tony Mag comes on the air and tells the story of a phone call he just got from a bunch of guys watchin' online and says what's up to the Old Man Army! Live for the world to hear! (Or at least however many skaters were watchin' at the time.)

Now to you, that probably means not a damn thing, 'Cause do you even know who Tony Mag is?? But to me, that's a stoke moment in my skate life. (yet another) To you, that probably just shows (yet again) that I'm a borderline skater stalker. But dammit, it's CREATIVE FAN APPRECIATION! So, sorry Tony Magnusson. But in my defense, it's your own fault for being so cool and rippin' so hard when I was young and impressionable, and then again when I met you almost 20 years later...

Props to ProTec and Van's for a killer contest. And to 411VideoMagazine for a great webcast of the event.

Man, I am long winded when I'm stoked. Sorry. But if only my friends could skate better. Then THEY could be my Pro skater friends and I wouldn't have to seek out old pros. (It's NOT stalking!) Or maybe I should just learn to skate better, so I wouldn't have to be friends with better skaters in order to feel better about myself. Nah, that can't be it.

Monday, May 07, 2007

People Suck... But Skaters (and Bikers?!) Rule!

As if you needed another reason to hate people... I rolled up to the park early, thankfully with broom in hand, to see broken beer bottles E V E R Y W H E R E ! ! Already, 3 bikers were busy sweepin' and scoopin' in the street course. (With a small broom and a shovel, borrowed from the city maintenance crew, who were somehow absent from the entire glass clean up process...) I gave them my broom as I went to greet EB and kiddos. They finished the street course and I took to the deepend for cleanin' where they joined in to clean faster... and then the flats on deck... It was so ridiculously frustrating that we had to do this, but it was so freakin' cool that we all worked together and knocked it out pretty quick, and so much better than the city shits who did absolutely NOTHING. (Oh, I'm sorry, they emptied the garbage cans. Gee thanks, ya pukes!) I absolutely will not thank them ever again, nor even speak to them. Well, maybe if they say THANKS for doin' our job last week. Lame. I'm such a dork for not taking pics of the carnage, AND the city workers NOT cleaning it up... I'm sure I'll have another chance...

SO, bs aside, on to the session... Gimpy fell victim to other suck ass people, oil company execs, and declined to spend $40 roadtrippin' for a short Sunday session. ($3.28 per gallon!? Skidz and I can predict the future... another quarter of record profits for the oil industry. Bet on it!) Next week is out too, as Gimp will be a new CatDaddy (aw, ain't he sweet)... We'll catch him in Georgetown in a couple of weeks. And Mofo was mysterly MIA (and still is actually). What gives Mofo? But Skid and Gibzilla attended as well as Mark and Ward, with a couple of Detroit friends. Just an all around good session with every one skating great and no crazy slams. I was stoked to finally, dare I say, "wire" the 6' quarter launch. I don't feel I was doing anything different than my last attempts, but it came together nice and smooth several times. Gib nutted up and did the 4' roll-in on the bike again, after it apparently spanked him on Saturday. Nice job G'zilla! While Skid had to touch down the front truck a bit on the 5-0 grinds, they are getting longer and faster... and the "nestea plunge" frontside stalls just freak me out.

I'm so stoked that our sessions this year (so far) have consistently been, well, consistent! (Crap, I probably just jinxed it.) Every session, everybody seems to be skating their best. We may not push it to the insanity level ("over the hole") or learn something new each time, but we're havin' "SAlba Sessions" where something gnarly goes down, and we all have a good time... Well, those of us who show up that is... Look at this way, the more you skate, the better you look in the next vid...

Friday, May 04, 2007

As Seen on OMA

Man, I couldn't help but poach this from Old Man Army. I look at these two pics and laugh outloud. As if the Advertisement wasn't disgusting enough, the reality is something truly special.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

I told you so!

OMP tells Lil' Tony "there's a picture of Rune Glifburg blasting the Breslin Half pipe in Louisville in the Concrete Wave calendar."

Lil' Tony says "NO WAY!....Where?"

OMP says "On the March - April page."

Lil Tony says "You're full of crap! There is no way
Rune Glifburg is in a picture from Breslin".

OMP says "Go home and check it out, then call me".

He called...I think he was crying...