CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Finally, we get the bike!

It's been under the tree, since November. All wrapped up, but it's shaped like a bike, feels like a bike, the size of a bike... gotta be a frkn bike! Woo hoo! We're gettin' a bike! But not 'til January 20, 2009, damn. TODAY! FINALLY! We get the bike!! (Daily Show/Jon Stewart reference. Guess you had to see that episode. Sorry.)

Anyway... to follow a mushy post of a child's birthday, I must return the Cretin blog to it's proper Cretin status. Not in the manner which Skidzilla would eagerly use, with a bare man ass photo. Nay, I go the classy route. And say Happy Inauguration Day, in a way that only true Cretins can appreciate.

Crude? No doubt, but(t) no less amusing. (Thanks to for pointing it out on

Have a great day people. Hope your year has as much promise and far fewer problems than President Obama's. I know mine does. (see below)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"We named the dog Indiana."

"I loved that dog."

One year ago... at 1:00 AM... my wife scared the shit outta me. It was "time." Life was already different, but this was IT! I was about to be officially responsible for the life of another human. Even though a rather small one, I was scared. I was wiggin' out in ways only fellow neurotic Scorpios know. (But I think I hid it rather well thank you very much. As no one ever paid me any attention the whole night. Which is exactly as it should be.)

10 hours later, HE had arrived. Not quite the way we expected, but beautiful, purple, and LOUD as ever. I cried and blubbered like an idiot. But that's ok, we were all crying. (And boy were his balls frkn HUGE! If only my gnar orbs were that big, I could rock-n-roll the 11' on demand no problem. But anyway...) And did you know, babies come with hats? Isn't that cool?

A year has passed. He still has big gorgeous blue eyes, and thin whispy blonde hair. (He must learn to surf.) He's much bigger and his "gnar" is much more proportional. The grin produced by only 8 teeth is infectious. The giggle, the shake of his head, the light he emits when I or his mother walk into the room, will all melt my heart in an instant. I imagine that will not change for me, ever.

No matter how gorgeous that woman, how sweet that skatepark, how perfect that deck set-up... there is nothing more beautiful than your child. If you have one or more, you know. You've tried to explain it to people, but like me, they didn't understand. I believed it, I knew it was true, but I never understood. Until last January...

Life is indeed grand. Happy Birthday Indy. Hope you're having a good time.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

3 - The Magic Number

Sometimes skateboarding feels like a chore... I gotta get up early, I gotta get my chit together, I gotta drive somewhere (sometimes over an hour), I'm tired, I'm cranky. I'm old and a session takes alot outta me which requires recovery time (read: a nap). BUT, every single time I feel like that, all that shit goes away with the first drop in. This week was like that, 3 times. All 3 sessions, I almost bailed on. But all 3 sessions were great sessions for me. If only I could skate like that every time. But 3 in a row is kickass, and one helluva great start to the year.

Here's 3 (more) pics from the third kickass session. We had fun. Junior did not. (Well, he did for 20 minutes...) Thanks Cretins. For keeping skating more fun than chore. Without a crew to skate with, it would certainly be a chore. I'll do it, but I'd rather not.
-Frontside Slippity

-Same ole same ole. Still fun.

-Dane can skeet.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

My 3 Cents . . .

Ok, so this is all I took away from Ollie's as far as photos:

Jr. enjoying a good dose of rib damage.

Philthy rock re-entry.

Dane's switch is always set to DESTROY.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Cain't Skeet None 2009 #1

64MM Skatboard Vlog is something I found on iTunes Podcasts (iTunes Store>Podcasts>Sports & Recreation) a long time ago. These guys rip and I am always in "why do I bother" mode when I watch 'em. Here is just one reason - a crazy, f*cked-up version of a sweeper.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

SkullADay 2.0

I'm stoked! Cretin submission featured on

Watch out for those skulls with your McCoffee. See a skull somewhere? Submit your pics/creations to SkullADay.