CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Sunday, May 25, 2008

A Short Trip to Frankfort

The idea came from Mofo. NoSow was in instantly - which means absolutely nothing. He's always in until it's time to go. But lo! He made it today. Which, for anyone keeping score, means he officially has shown more than Nik (who thinks he has an excuse cuz he's got a new kid or sumpthin).

Senor Martinez joined us on the trip. He showed up pre-monikered as El Daveid. For some reason he stated that we need not call him by that name. Dave might be sorry about that decision in the long run, cuz today he gotted dubbed, "Culo Pollo." I like Culo for short.

You see, he took a slam dropping in many years ago and approaches the coping quite gingerly (despite the fact that he can pull crazy tricks once in the ramp). One of his "friends" dubbed 'Chicken Butt.' Friends rule.

A quick recap: Gimpy bailed -too far for such a short skate when gas is $4/gallon. Understandable. NoShow attempted a no show, but the Mrs. kicked his ass out the door - I think "the gardener" was coming today. Nikoli bailed last minute due to travel neurosis - I ain't sayin I'd do it, but I understand (even with a travelling kinda job, I stil wig about travellin). Travio Googled the route and got a sweet tour of central Ky. Me & Mofo brought some fam and had a grand time - just like we planned it.

A shout out to the AWOL Cretins. You were missed indeed!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Pinched from Earth Patrol Media

Rich Burton, CMFIC* at Earth Patrol Media was one of the happenin individuals that was kind enough to show me around the multitude of Skateparks in and around Portland, OR last week. In addition to showing me the terrain he was kind enough to risk his lens and captured my ugliness in many of the skate spots we hit. Check Earth Patrol for killa shots of the Portland and surrounding area skateparks and the original, unadulterated version of this post.

Gracias, Ricardo. I hope to repay the favor and one day and make you look like twice the skater you are as you have done for me in the photos in this post. Hopefully, your tongue won't be hangin out as much as mine does.

Skidzilla in Oregon

Dave (a.k.a. Skidzilla) and Chad came out to Oregon for few days to skate some Northwest ‘crete. We managed to hit Tobin’s, Burnside, Pier Park, Glenhaven, Tigard, Donald and Newberg in our two half-days of skating. In addition to Burt Reynolds posing, Dave is an active Concretin back in his home state of Kentucky. Check out all the Skidzilla action after the turn.

Click on an image for a larger view.

Dave - BS Carve @ Tobins

A good ol’ gnar welcome to Oregon at Tobins

Dave - BS 50-50 @ Tobins

Looking for the 50-50 in the shallow at Tobins

(Skidzilla's Note: A touch of class: Rich subtly states that I did not get the 50-50. I was only looking for it. I never got it. But I coulda - after several more days. I'm positive I coulda.)

Dave - Carve into Deathbox @ Tobins

Death carve into the deathbox at Tobins

(Skidzilla's Note: Again, such a silver tongue. "Into" not OVER like I was hopin. I did get the aforementioned "Superman" off this attempt, however. So, I didn't walk away empty handed.)

Dave - Rolling @ Burnside

Next stop Burnside

Dave - FS @ Burnside

The one and only Burnside wall

Dave and MC @ Burnside

MC and Dave working on blue steel

Chad, MC and Dave @ Burnside

Chad, MC and Dave ready for refreshments at Produce Row

Dave - FS Grind @ Pier Park

Getting serious at Pier Park

Dave - FS Grind @ Pier Park

Skidzilla leaving his mark at Pier Park

(Skidzilla's Note: Very scary stuff - I carved right over the 11 1/2 tile marker to get this shot. I'm still stoked about it. I almost ate shit about 10 times cuz I kept pulling my front foot off trying to get this shot).

Dave - FS Grind @ Tigard

Skidzilla meets TRex at Tigard

(Skidzilla's Note: This actually wigged me out more that the 11 1/2 on the tile at Pier Park. It wasn't as high, and there was no pool coping, but to hit this I was goin frontside about 10 feet off the ground at the edge of a hip. Not me forte, I assure you.)

Dave and Concretin TRex @ Tigard

A Concretin peace offering for TRex

Dave - BS Carve over Stairs @ Donald

No small feat, over the stairs at Donald

Dave - Pump Bump @ Donald

Bathing in the afterglow

(Skidzilla's Note: This is how I dissolved all respect earned by carvin over the stairs. But, hey, it had to be done.)

Dave - Dropping Volcano @ Newberg

Skidzilla erupts from the volcano at Newberg

(Skidzilla's Note: It looks like a regular ole drop-in, but...get this...the top rotates. Yikes!)

Dave - FS Grind @ Newberg

And that’s a wrap, Skidzilla grinds a bit of Newberg

Thanks Dave and Chad for the hospitality and hurry back. There’s a snake in Lincoln City that needs your attention.

For more coverage of Skidzilla’s adventures in Oregon check out: Antigravity Press, and Concretins.

*CMFIC = Chief Mutha Fugga In Charge

Friday, May 16, 2008

Skidzilla's Northwest Extravaganza 2

A couple of notes prior to this necessarily long diatribe: I am eternally grateful to my hosts in Portland. For lack of a better word for it, they were very Concretin-esque; possibly my highest accolade given my propensity for the hometown crew. I was humbled and amazed by their skate abilities, much of which is well documented in their own websites and the websites of others (Antigravity Press, Earth Patrol, and Skate and Annoy), so, I won't go on about it here, although their talents are deserving of many pages of blogging. Instead I offer you a very ego-centric [surprise!] account of my escapades. Enjoy!

Things I didn’t do in Portland, OR:
1. Get over the deathbox in the Tobin Bowl
2. Get very high on the wall at Burnside
3. Carve Over the Mousehole in Pier Park
4. Get over the Stairs at Glenhaven
5. Grind the Tail of T-Rex at Tigard
6. Meet and Skate with Kilwag
7. Poop in my pants

Which, ultimately, is too bad. Any and all of these would have made for a more interesting story.

Portland, OR is far away - unless you live close to it, of course. But, for a Concretin it is far away. Maybe Far, Far Away. It is a place of myth and wonder. As in: It rains everyday in Portland (MYTH). I WONDER why in the hell they would build so many skateparks in a place so rainy? In actuality it only has 155 days of measurable precipitation. The other 210 days have precipitation – you just can’t measure it.

The precipitation was easily measured when I landed in Portland. It was, as they say in Kentucky, raining like pouring piss from a boot (my mind often wonders how many people of yore had piss in their boot for this to become a colloquialism and how the piss got in the boot also sparks my imagination). When MC, ripper/cartoonist, showed up with Rich, ripper/General of Earth Patrol Media, at a very wet Glenhaven, I assumed we would just bust out to Burnside; it’s under a bridge and potentially dry. But, other plans were in store for this unsuspecting traveler.

My co-woker/travel companion & former street ripper, Chad LaGrange, and I dutifully followed our hosts to one of the strangest sites I’ve ever seen: a concrete bowl in someone’s garage: The Tobin Bowl. It was deep, tight, slick and very scary. It took me a few “climb-ins” before I could actually drop in. It was fun fo’ sho’ and extremely exhilarating in the fact that it held imminent possibility of your board sliding out from under you. Rich coached me thru a few lines. MC threw fs airs and handplants like crazy. I eventually nutted-up and did what I was told to be a superb impression of Superman when my back wheels jammed in the deathbox and I flew away from the wall both arms extended. If I’d only packed my cape.

After some chow, complete with Portland Microbrew, it was on to Burnside. I felt it a moral imperative to return to Burnside and actually skate. My previous adventure here left me feeling weak and much like a pup who ran away with his tail between his legs. While I did nothing extremely noteworthy - I mean, other than skate Burnside - I did make peace with this park. I skated every bit of it and walked away. It was one of those epic sessions where one guy tires out and suggests leaving, then gets his stoke back on while waiting for the next guy to tire, who eventually does, but then the rest of the crew is skating, so his stoke comes back, and more people show up who rekindle the stoke and before you know it you’ve skated like a fiend for several hours. Awesome. Then we went to hit some more parks.

The rain had quit so we took a chance and drove up to Pier Park: Full-pipe with hole – Depends in tow. The fun factor here was very high. It actually felt quite homey thanks to the pipe. Fortunately, the hole did not present the fear factor I had suspected. I will confess there was a tiny hope in my mind that I would carve over this hole. The images on the web kept me from getting my hopes too high, but the thought was definitely there. It didn’t happen. Instead I had to be happy with the fact that dropped in the deep end, and thanks to much coaching from Rich and MC got frontside and backside slashers in the 11 ½.

Everyone was whipped, but the sun was out and since Portland is at about 45 degrees north of the equator it will be out till sometime in mid-July. Rich made the executive decision to ride back by Glenhaven. We hit it hard AGAIN. There is a pool and a killer butterfly(ish) bowl. Each one super-fun. Kids were rippin the street area and everyone hooted as MC tore up the pool.

And so ends day one. Realistically, we probably got 4 to 4 1/2 hours of riding in over the course of the day. But, every time I mention it, I like to up the duration. I was already up to 8 hours before I left OR. MC said somethin’ and I said, “Well, waddaya expect for skatin 8 hours on Tuesday?” By the time I’m 80 it’ll be a week of skatin’ without stoppin’ when I recount the epic tale.

No skate on Wednesday - nothing but meetings and what-not. However, I could sense The Gnar nearby. The offices we have in the Portland area are about ½ mile from Tigard – a park that it only about a year old - which is exactly where we headed when the work bell sounded on Thursday. Quite gnarly this place is - with perfect concrete everywhere and huge - no HUGE - vert walls. One of the bowls has a double coping. There’s one set at about six feet, then a little tranny up a couple of feet to more coping at the top of the bowl. It was fun to watch people make use of this although I couldn’t get my mind around it. I love the T-Rex and his spine/tail comes close to the corner of a little 4 ft bowl. A better skater than me would be able to pop out the bowl, grind T’s spine then ride away clean. I gave it a feeble attempt and decided to steer clear of this foolishness for the rest of my visit. Just carving this place was fun.



Next stop: Donald. Next to grain silos in a farm community with a population of approximately 500, the city of Donald, OR put in a skatepark that sports a kidney with pool coping and concrete mini-ramp with a twinkie in the middle of it. I got props from all the park goers and felt a certain bit of pride for myself and Concretins everywhere when I got over the stairs. I then lost any and all earned respect when I cleared the mini area so I could get my picture taken laying next to the twinkie which someone had beautified by painting it into a phallus. Oh well, on to Newberg.


Newberg was built around the turn of the millennium. The town was clearly ashamed of it because it is placed back a dirt road, behind the pulp mill next to the train tracks. But, it kills. There is something for everyone at this park: big stuff, little stuff, steet-like stuff (although no official ‘street’ area), and some pretty unique stuff you won’t find anywhere else. Time was tight, but I skated hard and tried to hit the whole park. Much fun was had.


So, there you have 2 skate days, 6 parks, 1 garage bowl and lots of fun. Here's to new friends and skatin' for 10 hours straight!

Skidzilla is a H.O.M.O.S.

(Hopeless Old Man On a Skateboard)

MC has immortalized our beloved traveling 'Cretin, Skidzilla.

Visit for more from Marc Conahan. Thanks MC.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Happy belated Mother's Day!

While we wait for Skidzilla's report on the epic 'crete of the northwest, please sit back and enjoy this nice lil' outing of a Mum and her son... Did you call your Mom on Sunday? No!? Shame on you.

Bloody Hell! His Mum skates better than you wankers. (So does he really.) Bang on!

Bob's your uncle. (Thanks to Alec at OldManArmy for sharing.)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Butterflies...or does it?

Yeah, my gut's kinda hurtin'. I get to pull another one of my famous "Bid-nez Trips." This time to Portland. I will get to skate - I'm going out for training and have no customer obligations. Just put in the old 8 - 5 then skate. There are 19 parks in Portland. I will attempt to skate at least 3 of 'em.

You've read about my fear of Burnside. I plan to go back and spend some time there and get some footage and pics. What I'm really stoked (read: shitting in my pants out of fear) about is Pier Park.

Sure we've got a pipe in Louisville. But does it have pool coping around the bowl on the outside? Unh-uh. And look close - there is sunlight coming in the side. THERE'S A HOLE IN IT!!!!! (WTF?) So, I packed some Depends. Ya never know. Well, in this particular case, I'm pretty sure.

Friday, May 09, 2008

If Only...

With a little more effort (and some friends in the B-Movie/Adult Film Biz), we coulda made this movie.


Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Que Pasa Burro Sombrero!?

Pros & Concretins Video IV

Sunday morning started with a great session downtown. Even though I struggled with 50-50s in the bowl, my pipe runs were fast and I got to skate again with Jr., Gimpy, and OMP. It's been a long while since I've seen them buggers, Brett too... I've either missed the session, or they've been busy doing home improvements or just stuck in Ohio. The stoke was kept full on knowing the 2007 Pros & Concretins Video Premier was just hours away. Followed by an official 'Cretins session on the new "mini."

The video was AWESOME! (Even without BonJovi music.) Serious props go to MC Skidzilla. Not only did he do all of the DVD authoring, he also did 90% of the editing. He's definitely a dedicated individual, and I'm so glad he's a part of the Concretin "team." (Various parts o' the vid will eventually be posted to the interwebby thingy.)
-Skidzilla, MC extraordinaire and vid guru.

-Indy was having a good time.

-Pizza'n'Beer... feast of the 'Cretins

Here's the Pro segment. Vert is so dead.

The Golden Gnar Award was presented to an unsuspecting and under the weather OldManPaul. As Gimpy said, he earned it, even today. He has been sick all week, but still showed for the session and took more runs than anyone. He won the signed deck at the OMA BBQ in November and later handed it to me to do something with, as he felt his home was unworthy and the deck should be shared with all the Cretins. He brings gnar to EVERY session on EVERY wall in EVERY run. Congratulations OMP. A true Concretin, a true skater, a true friend.
-Surprise! You've got Gnar!

So after the vid party, we headed to Phil's to session the newly completed (99%) seven foot 'mini' ramp. And by the way (I was unaware meself), Phil is now an official Concretin! He roadtripped earlier this year to Ollie's, let alone has skated more than some 'Cretins I know. (We'll blame TonedaBone for not posting up the ceremonial roadtrip report. Dammit Bone!) Phil has taken the time(with a lil' help from friends), money, and effort to build a kickass training facility, only to share it with everyone. Welcome aboard Phil... now what do we call him? Punxsutawney seems funny, but perhaps a bit rude. And Phil, we need to come up with a name for the ramp...
-The "Lost" Ramp?

The session was a blast! That ramp is soooo smooth, and soooo fast. The sun was brutal when hitting the west lip, but Phil and Dane were seemingly unfazed at all. It was a session that would have been fun to just sit and watch as many did, but was even more fun to join in.

-FRO (F'n Ramp Owner) Phil - Rockin and Rollin' then doin' it to fakie.

-Golden Gnar Recipient OMP showin' his backside. Thought you were sick punk?

-Lil' man Korin gettin' his skate on.

-Fellow FRO MoFo goin' frontside... bein' a padless influence.

-Gimpy has a grind, or ten.

-BS Disaster is a set up trick for Dane(not Dave).

All in all, what a day! THIS is what skating is about. Not my best skating, but definitely one of the best skate days of 200SK8. Hey Mom, can I have a mini-ramp?

Full Pipe *SNAP* Hamster Wheel

This guy is lucky. 'Nuff said...

Full Pipe *SNAP* Hamster Wheel