CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Skidzilla's new graphics? Maybe not.

Wen't to Old Man Army today. (advised by Lil' Tony).
Yeah, I think I found Skidzilla's new deck. Please view graphics and comment :-)

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Christmas Eve Eve Session

Wow the weather forecast is looking very promising (again!) for this weekend in Louisville (around 50 degrees). I'm looking at cruising into town on Saturday a.m. once again if the forecast holds up. Who's in town and ready to rip?? (Gimpy, Mofo, Skidzilla, and Nikoli ready to ride.)

Updated: WHAT A SESSION! Man, I did not want to leave that session, but family duty called. I rolled into a virtually empty park, with me, Gimpy, and a lone bundled up street rat, who left fairly quickly. We warmed up with custodial duties - sweepin' crap outta the bowls, and water outta the pipe. Then it was on to rippin' 40,000 sqr ft of 'crete, just us. Damn that's fun!

Eventually some groms showed up, but avoided the old dudes. Schweet! Mark also rolled up with new deck, wheels, and kicks. Jon was ON. Hittin' the manual on deck, and a great stand-up FS 5-0. He also hit the corner pocket grind everydamtime, the bugger! But I did get a couple after takin' notes.

Just stand up and really stick that front foot on the coping... my grinds felt so much better and I was keeping my speed. Nice. Thanks J! Just as Mofo and Skidzilla walked up, I nutted up and rolled in the 6'! PERFECT first try. I had been watchin' Jon, and he makes it look so damn easy. EMS was already at the park, just killin' time, so that made it a lil' less scary. If I were to break, I'd have pro help immediately. And low and behold, it WAS easy. Just like Jon said. It really IS all in my head. The second one was a bit squirrelly, but still... I am stoked! More progress! Skid just casually says, "I wish you hadn't gone and done that." You're up punk! (He pushes me. I push him. But I still ain't droppin' in the deep end. Sorry, that's all you, Holmes.)

Dave had a brand new set up, but you wouldn't know it was a virgin board - cept for the clean ToyMachine graphic - 'cause he was on IMMEDIATELY! I just don't get it Dave! I only got to see 2 of his runs, but holy crap. Sorry I had to bail guys, I'm sure you kept the 'crete warm with GNAR.

UPDATED: After Nick left, Skidz, Kyle and myself shredded it up for a while until the magic words were uttered from Dave's salivating orifice: "You guys wanna go get a slice??" Off to Wicks for a killer pie and talk of alien abductions, Scientology, Satanism, and skating, of course.

We then proceeded to the Skidz estate to lay some pipe (no there wasn't a group of hotties from yoga class waiting for us when we got there; we actually did some plumbing work in Dave's basement). After Kyle taught us how to lay the pipe we had a killer meal from Zen Garden (a place where Nick could very well starve to death). Kyle headed home and I was placed in front of the tv where I was occupied with a screening of the Incredibles (awesome flick!) while the more mature children were taken to a Backstabbing Santa party.

Christmas Eve morning was time for Skidzilla and Gibzilla to apply the Concretins griptape Kyle had doled out the day before. I figured that since everyone else seemed to be rolling on a new setup I would put together that Grosso that's been in my trunk since last August and join the party. I rolled out to the park before Skidz and kidz to give the new stuntwood a go since it was begging for it. When I got there it was already about 11 a.m. but it was still see-your-breath COLD. Mark was there blazing around as usual. We took a few runs and then Travio showed up followed by the Zilla crew. I was feeling the new wood and the cold was soon forgotten as we proceeded to have another fine session on some of the greatest crete that was ever shot on this planet.

Thank you Dave and Sharon for putting me up again. You rule! (as well as Nick, Kyle, Steve-O, OMP, Travis etc.) Can't wait to skate with you all again soon. Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

December? Nah, can't be.

A 60 degree WEEK. In the Ohio Valley? Throw in a meteor shower, and 40,000 sq feet of smooth concrete poured for a specific purpose, and you have all the elements for awesome sessions.

Normally, it really sucks to skate with more than 3 bikers, (and that's only if that's Andrew, and J and his bud) but St.Louis breeds some air oriented bikers, who are totally cool to hang and ride with. When I rolled up and saw 6 bikers millin' about the snake run, I thought, "Great. Another snake session." But alas, I was mistaken. Plus, ya can't snake me if I ain't skatin'. Gimpy and I spent a good 20 minutes of our session just sittin' back and verbalizing various versions of HOLY $#i+! Garret and the St. Louis crew were SKYING! I've watched bike pros on a ramp, and that's amazing, but they're pros, and that ain't my home park. I'm just gonna let you look at the pictures... I know this is a skateblog, but when props are earned, props are given. Well done Illinois. Drop us a line guys ( and I'll send you all the photos...

So eventually we got around to skating, and Skidzilla rolled in as well. I struggled to show off my new trick, but did finally get some long boardslides. Jon was throwin' quick bs 5-0s and bonkin' in everywhere, and of course took it to the deepend. Dave's endocrine rosary seemed small compared to his own orbs, and he took appropriate action by axle droppin' in the 12' bowl!! (Jon, says eleven... 11- schmeleven, who cares, it's freakin' DEEP) My orbs are small. But I still have fun. Skid started workin' on axle stalls, and did get a couple sketchin' but hell, they still count.

GNAR I say

Are you listening? GNAR!

Sunday meant another warm session. Mark was already rollin' at super high speed, and even got the pivot in the 6. He said he saw EB leaving. So apparently Eric hasn't quit skating, he just quit skating with US! Punkass. Skid took marathon runs and fought for the pivot but I didn't witness it. He's gettin' more comfy with fs grinds on 'crete too. I looked at some nollie disasters in the bowl, even did the "first half" perfectly a few times... locked in on the lip, but just couldn't get my orbs to agree to droppin' back in. They're pretty stubborn and self preservation is important. I'll convince 'em eventually.

If this weather is the result of global warming, and republicans are to blame for that, then maybe Skidz is right and a "boot to the head" isn't really required for people voting republican.

Friday, December 15, 2006

SkateNight Rocks! (and slides)

What a session! You missed out Punk! Skidzilla, me, 3 groms (Dave, post their names, I killed that memory brain cell a long time ago), and of course ramp owner Mofo ripped up the Corydon Skate Ranch. I arrived to a full session of groms and Mofo was already on. (Duh.) We took a quick break and headed to the "Official Bike Shop of the Concretins." (Huh, official BIKE shop? Yea, that's what we said. But yea, if any 'Cretin wants a bike, they should go to Old Capitol. Tom will hook you up!) And yes, I do want a bike for my daily commute. Lookin' at a chopper bike, for style of course, or perhaps I'll go a bit more practical (though not frugal) and get a recumbent trike. We'll see. Tom is totally cool and will hook me up right. We discovered it was all his fault that the groms crashed the session.

But that's ok, 'cause they were cool and worked as hard as we did to rip, and cheered on the old guys, with no comments on the full on skate gear. Mofo even "worked" a bit. But the stomped Kickflip Fakie on the TajMaWall was killer. Blunt and grind clinic was also on Kyle's agenda, as usual.

I did not arrive with a "mission." Just another good session, but with a short list of things to "try." My first fs touch grind attempt was my only make, but still, first try! I looked at a couple fs rocks, but that wasn't gonna happen, I could feel it. Boardslides weren't even on the list, but watchin Mofo's soooo smooth, I thought, what the hell. Immediately, the slide was there... I struggled for a few minutes on the re-entry, but then suddenly, "make." I couldn't believe, it still freaks me out. They came so quick and locked in! It may have just been the meteors in the sky this week, but I dare say I wired them, at least for that session. I got a bit too ambitious and tried a few cabslides, and even got one, but I'm a few sessions away from being even comfortable with those. But yea, I'm stoked. One more trick... old dogs can be taught!

Dave rolled in a bit later whinin' of the cold, but he warmed up quick. I still don't understand how he does fs grinds, and they gotta be WAY way off for him to not try and bring 'em in-and he still makes it. Gnar. He's really gettin' the wall slides stylin' too. Then out of the blue he winds up and throws 270 stalls. So cool. I gotta get that...

The groms worked on grinds and rock-n-rolls. I think they grasped the 'Cretin concept of enjoyin' your sketch (Skids and I were always smilin', even sketchin' out of a run). No snakin' and plenty of rebates were given. The way a session is supposed to be. And Sam (hey I remembered a name) worked hard on the kickflip fakie on the wall... soooo close sooo many times... He might have eventually got it, I left before everyone else...

Don't miss SkateNight people. It's worth the commute to Hoosierville.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Skidzilla: Introspective Artist. Who knew?

Representation of a cartoon super hero?

Or a scary rendition of the true Skidzilla?

Or both!? You be the judge. Only the ‘Zilla knows.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Completely Unrelated

Winter Blues got me down. I should have skated both days this weekend. It was nice enough for sure, but my seasonal affected disorder seems to have me full throttle and I'm nearly immobilized. Then there's the guilt; the voice in my head screams, "Most people in the world don't even have a skatepark! Let alone a 42,000 square foot concrete park with a 22 foot full pipe!" This feeds the lethrgy and aggrevates the inertia. It is a vicious cycle and I wish this affliction on no one.

On a liter note I did make two Captian Underpants sculptures with the Gibster; One for his Unlce Tom's fiddy-something birthday and one to keep. Here is a picture of the one we kept.

Never underestimate the power of underpants!

And a Warm Hardy Welcome to the Michigan Skater, Mangadezi-jr! Keep on postin - it might keep us honest, but not likely. (It does add extra guilt knowing there is someone in a much norther place reading this - just what I need [refer to paragraph one above]).

Thursday, December 07, 2006


It is F-ing FREEZING out right now. Just got a call from Skidz though, and I would have to agree that the forecast for this Sunday in LOU-UH-VUL is lookin' mighty fine...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Shots from Warmer Days . . .

TaDA! Mofo 360 flip stoke.

Mark, surfin' the lip.

Wade, Gnar ON.

Skidzilla is a disco dancin' machine. Nice FS.

Lock that 5-0 Mofo! 6 to 4.

Gimpy, throwin' the horns, manual on deck, back in... smooth.

Nikoli with a melon out of the 6'. Nick got a lot higher the next day. As a matter of fact, he was doing everything high. He even did his 50-50's high.

What's in a porno script?

Things I heard on video this weekend. "This is fun, Yea that's sticky, That is so hard, Hope you got that, Naked Dave, I'm gonna have trouble gettin' it out of that, Hang on here it comes, Did you get that, Oops." But that's NOT from porn... just Concretins skate footage.

I don't understand why film editors don't make big money like actors, 'cause they're the ones doing the really hard part of editing miles and miles of tape(I guess that whole giving up your privacy thing has something to do with it.) Now they might have better equipment, but it is STILL a major PITA to log all this footage and then piece the clips together. Probably wouldn't be so hard to do if I had edited several times throughout the year(like I said I would), rather than shooting 6 tapes worth of skating and not looking at it 'til now. The road to hell is paved with good intentions... just doin' my part for a smooth ride when my time comes. Patience Punk. Anticipation and hype are what movies are all about anyway, right? No? Oh, ok. I'll keep working on it. Just hush, it'll get done.

On to the session: Karma and Mother Nature are trying to make sure we are not getting too spoiled, with good 'crete AND good weather, in December. So our 60 and 70 degree long weekend was followed by a weekend with highs in the 30s. Yep, it's December in the Ohio Valley. But perhaps we'll be able to bust out the shorts again for Christmas vacation. So to battle this reality check we relocated the Church of Skatin' Sunday Service to Corydon and the MofoCompound. Kyle had the ramp house heatin' up, but the condensation dripped from the roof and immediately froze on the ramp, making it a tad bit slick. Nothing a big focused heat blast from a reddy heater can't handle. So just a 20 minute delay for the session, got the ramp dry, and very nice and toasty. We were all quick to shed our extra layers. Gnar on.

It was rumored that EB was no longer incarcerated and planned to make the trip. Low and behold it was true! Dad gave his board back and he skated as if he's been riding every weekend, even though we all know better. Travis rolled up bringin' the total to 6.5 (the .5 being GibZilla). A full on session ensued. But Mofo looked bored as hell, even while doing blunt pivot combos, various rock-n-roll concoctions, various wall slides, switch 50-50s(yea, whatev), and machMofo 5-0s. ("various" means at least 5 versions of said trick) Punk. Trav was lockin' in the 50-50s and havin' no trouble with the wall carves. EB worked rock fakies and tail stalls, my fave being the judo tail stall. Wade must have taken some muscle relaxers or something, because he was as rubbery and noodley as Burnquist. Super cool and smooth tweaked out slides above the 8' mark, and grinds that you can't possibly pull in with your body tweaked like that, pulled in every time. MiniZilla even looked at a drop in... I think next summer, he'll stop bringin' the bike to the park. :) I was on a mission to have a good session, and learn one or two new things. Not a practice session, but you know, skate well and feel good enough to learn new sh**. I was there too, right up until that switch drop in attempt that ended with a thunk - board to ankle. I felt my gnar completely drain from the point of impact. Gonna feel that one for a couple o' weeks. I did finally pull a 5-0, but only after watching Skidzilla bust them with "ah-thor-it-tay." Skid was on once again, and landed pretty much every thing he has, and well. FS grinds brought in without the DuanePetersHangUp even, and alley oop 50-50s, though short, but he made every one. I wanted to quit and just chill multiple times, but everyone just kept skating, and kept skating. It was an understood obligation to not piss on the session. Nut up and skate.

Well done 'Cretins. Well done. When I grow up... oh nevermind, just not gonna. This is too much fun.