CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Monday, March 30, 2009

We Could Tell You . . . But Then We'd Have To KILL You. . .

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Don't visit the Doctor!

For those under the age of 44.
Don't go visit the Doctor!!

My wife decided that I had reached the age where a "routine" physical would be a "great idea". Like a good husband, I reluctantly went along.
They took blood samples, made me pee in a cup..all the usual fun.
Doc said "everything looks great! ...Except your blood sugar is way high."
Doc said "Let's get another check. ...Yep, It's way high"
Then she drops the "D" word. I almost fell off the exam table!
No way...I feel fine!
Yep, it's confirmed. OMP now has to prick the finger a few times a day.
Has to be on meds. Has to count the Carbs.

On the way out I said: Doc, I wasn't sick until I came to see you!
She laughed...but so did I :-)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Spring has Sprung

A few documented, righteous sessions went down this week. It must be spring! FINALLY, some warm weather!!

First stop: The Widow Maker, a 7 foot tall "mini" ramp monstrosity that resides in the back 40 of The Roth Estate. Four people: much gnar! Phil was bustin 3 foot BS Airs. I've never seen him do 'em, but, clearly they are not an issue. He was bustin' nose picks, and fakie airs, as well. Just to remind us it is HIS ramp, after all.

Radley was back skatin' the ramp that gimped him. He was clearly not intimidated as he put a hurtin back on it. To add insult to injury he put on some fake teeth, and a china-man's hat and thumped it some more. Take THAT you sniveling little 7 foot bee-otch!

Jon Z - aka The Z-Monster - decided that he would deal his punishment in the form of a front-side ollie to smith. They started out as sweet little slashers and ended up with a massive pop out and a resounding smack back in.

Yours truly? I stunk it up with some ugly socks, a couple of FS Airs, and a promise to come back and bring 'em higher!

You can see all photos with a clickety here

Sessions two and three both captured neatly in one photo set right here

The abbreviated version is in the comic below. It doesn't fully capture the gnar, the sphincter puckering, the camaraderie, stink, angst, and/or joviality that goes along with a session with The Concretins. Nor does it show the awe and inspiration bestowed upon us by watching some out-of-towners shred up the home court. For this we say, "Thank You! and "Come back anytime!"

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

If It Rolls, Floats or . . .

And so, with raindrops threatening The Ville, it was decided, after much indecision, that Ollie's would indeed be the place to be for the much anticipated and long overdue mass Cretins session. This was originally proposed by OMP as a birthday party for Skidz and the Fly, but since the Fly couldn't make it due to injury and Skidz's bday was several days prior anyway, it just turned into what the original idea was an excuse for anyway,  the chance to get together and rage with your brothers of the mighty stuntwood.

OMP arrived first with a couple dudes from his neck of the woods who's names escape me, followed by myself, Adam and Philthy, and finally Skidz and Jr. Not the full crew by any means but a decent showing nonetheless, you take what you can get.  Nikoli crapped out due to rampant illness and was surely missed, but managed to deliver this eMac to Skidz to bring to yours truly. The session should have been billed as a bday party for the Fly, Skidz and myself. THANX!

We started out skating the micro mini and as I was about to set up to drop in,  this barely teenage girl on the deck opposite me says: "Hey, I'm just going to cross over ok?"  Sure no problem.  She bonks in and flies over the opposite deck, transferring to the wedge that leads to the street course so she can go work on her kickflip hip transfers. HUH??? Later she's up on the 13' vert ramp doing bs airs and rocknrolls and the like. Sheeesh. Her name is Erin and she RIPS. 

The session raged on as expected, to the bowl and the mega mini of course. Phil was on a mission and was crushing it with his usual gnarly high speed 50/50s, indy nosepicks, lipslides, and even nutted up for a bs boneless.  I got practically zero footage as I forgot to charge the battrees (as my grandfather would say). 

After skating practically an hour past our pink wristband cutoff OMP, Skidz, Jr., and Myself headed to the local Mexi joint for a fartastic feast, and entertained each other with talk of travel to foreign and domestic lands, the state of the Union, housewarming soirees, and the Golden Rule.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Glitter Graphics

My apologies to MC at H.O.M.O.S. for bastardizing his comic art for the sake of crotch glitter.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Spring weather! Warm 'Crete!

Fresh content! Woo Hoo! I finally got out to the 'crete. It's been a month since "the slam." I'm actually sort of glad the weather kept me off the board. Probably saved me from seriously injuring myself (even more).

The day started searching for a parking space, because 9,000 or so pedestrians were running around the city. 3 blocks away from the park wasn't too bad. 5 of my friends were among the runners. Why they run I will never understand. Just doesn't seem like fun to me. I cheered on Kyle, Deanna, and the elusive Nate. Had I known they were running before hand, I would have made signs for Skidzilla and Christian too. Sorry. Back to the skatepark for proper recreation.

I was alone at the park for a short while, and used that time to clean up. Lots o' crap in the bowls and too many glass bottles to leave lying around. Put your chit in the trash can you fkn dirtbags. I hate people.

I padded up and took a few tentative runs, and I was immediately comfortable. 'Crete, oh how I missed you so. NoShow rolled up and two Cretins makes it an official session. Some roadtrippers from Ohio were ripping the place up. Ronnie and Andrew (I think, but post up in the comments guys if I'm wrong). I was sure to get them a card and some stickers. About the time I was gettin' winded, Ward rode up on a bike. (He rips, so we won't chastise him about the bike. Besides, he could easily squash me like a jelly bean.)

Ward proceeded to teach me how to do fakie to lipslide. A fun trick, and relatively easy if you have all the elements already. Not too hard to put together. Wish I had tried them sooner. His were super smooth and quiet. Mine were sketchy and barky from dragging my wheels too much. I'll clean 'em up.

I had some good speed runs, rock-n-rolls in the 8' and one good backside air. I got 50-50s in the 6', but decided not to try them in the 8' again yet. I need to get more risers to better avoid wheelbite and the sudden flattening of self. I decided to leave on a good note. Then of course Skidzilla rolls up. I wanted to skate with him, but no, I must behave and not risk a worse injury. So I busted out the camera. The results are below. Skidz was sporting some new kicks and socks, and he used that new shoe style to bust a new one... FS airs over the hip. Damn, I gotta learn FS. While he is getting them, he's still taking notes from Andrew. The kid was flying.

Hope you got out and enjoyed the beautiful weather today. I certainly did. Life is indeed grand.
-NoShow carvin' high.

-Ward goin' for the hip transfer.

-Ward has sweepers on lock.

-I'm still trying to find the best angle to capture the style of the sweeper.

-Andrew can skeet.

-Big and smooth.

-Backside D by another Buckeye.

-Skidzilla is progressing...

-Skidz just cruising. Dig dem socks!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Feelin' it

Again, I'm inspired by content found elsewhere( and When Cretins actually have skated recently, apparently no one bothered to comment or document. The birthday(s) session will be for sure. And don't think I haven't noticed that we normally premier Sessions & Roadtrips about this time... same story as the previous 3 years... I'll get to it. Eventually. Don't we always get to it? Alright then... carry on.

Ty Evans(director) and Bob Burnquist(skater) recently shot a commercial at the Lake Cunningham, California skatepark. Yea, it was a paying gig. Skateboarding kicks ass.

The original concept. Just for shiggles. You've probably seent it. Several times. But it never gets old. Looks like an absolute blast.

Incidently, a gathering of old skateboarding kooks like myself, called Kookapalooza will be held at the Lake Cunningham Skatepark. October 9-13, 2009. I'll be there. Will you?

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Double Concretin Birthday SK8 Bash

Sunday March 15

Concretins will descend on Ollie's Skatepark in Florence, KY to celebrate the Birthdays of two of their finest.
(really we're all the finest, it's just their birthdays)

The park opens at 11am. Be there or be square! for park info.

Venue could change to Louisville if the weather dictates.