CRETIN: /kret'in/, /kree'tn/, n.
Congenital loser; an obnoxious person; someone who can't do anything right

CONCRETIN: /kahn'kret'in/, /kahn'kree'tn/, n.
Cretin who loves to skate concrete

Friday, October 19, 2007

But, Is It Art?

Presumption is a funny thing. Funny because usually it is wrong. I presumed the Pedestrian Duo Offices, because it is located way downtown on Main Street, would be some wreck of a warehouse, loft-style office for a couple of people (duo, right?). Since, the Suite Number was 201, I planned on climbing some dark, stinky stairwell to the 2nd Floor. And, based on the fact, that the Decked Out Skateboard Art Show will be held in a small coffee house on Market Street, I figured I would walk into the aforementioned loft-style office, drop off my project with a skinny, tattooed, facial-haired hipster who might, just possibly, be sporting a beret. We'd talk about the show, waste a few minutes yucking it up and generally being supportive of each other's endeavors, etc. Finally, I'd clamber back down the stairwell to the car and head off to hit the 'crete at the near-by Extreme Park.

This scene played in my head often as I approached completion of my project.

However, as you might have surmised by the introductory statements, none of that happened.

123 Main Street is newly renovated downtown building with new millennium amenities and designs. The security guard at the front door with card-swipe entrance let me know this is not a junky downtown warehouse space. After I pushed my way thu the gate and set off the alarm, he stopped talking on his cell and asked me if I was heading to someplace indecipherable and pointed to the office on the left. The sign on the door had nothing to do with The Pedestrian Duo or Coffee, so I assumed he was mistaken. I interrupted his call again and he confirmed I wanted to go thru those doors - on the first floor!. "Surely, he is wrong," I thought to myself.

I opened the glass double doors and let myself into the enormous new millennium warehouse, loft-style office with a cube farm for about 50 people. I was met by a very professional-looking receptionist. At this point I'm still pretty sure I'm in the wrong place. "This is a bit bigger than I pictured for The Pedestrian Duo."
"This is where they work for their day job," she said smiling. "You can just leave it here on the desk, I'll call one of them to pick it up."
"You sure? It is really big." I said. She still couldn't see my art because she sat behind a podium style desk with a counter surface about 18 inches higher than her work area.
She said, "It'll be fine. I'll call 'em. They'll be right up to get it."
"Okay." I said. I sat down a 38" penis - complete with helmet testicles - on the desk, turned and walked away laughing.

I had a good solo session at the park, too. But, that's a different story.

BTW: My Artwork is officially titled, "The All-Too-Obvious Metaphor: Skateboarding is Sex." (Yes those are real condoms.)


  • At 7:49 AM, Blogger OMP said…

    Hence the nickname...

    Then is the only thing more fun than skateboarding.

  • At 10:58 AM, Blogger gimpinainteasy said…

    I really have nothing to say . . . I'm just sitting here smiling.

  • At 11:03 AM, Blogger gimpinainteasy said…

    Ha!! On a somewhat related note, I just clicked on Tony's profile and read his occupation.

  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger Nikoli said…

    Dave, you keep me in stitches... But this is by far the funniest damn thing I think I've ever seen/heard from you. Pure unadulterated genious.

    OMP, you are correct. And I'm so much better at sex.

  • At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That poster is... so wrong. Nice job.


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